Let God Redeem Your Story

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I was going through some notes and found one that simply said you can't redeem your story. Only God can do that. It was dated the fall of 2017. I was dealing with the fallout from the  breakup. I was struggling with so many emotions and mind games. One of the battles I had fought was trying to fix my story. Sitting in the wreckage the temptation was to try and get out of the pain on my own. Fix the problem. Find my own salve for the pain. Write a better ending.

The thing is, only God can write a redemption story. I can't bring about my own healing or restoration. I can't heal myself. But God through the blood of the Son I can be cleansed the sins of my past. The resurrection insures that there is new life. There is healing and redemption, no matter how dark the night. 

I can try to (in my limited understanding and weak capacity) fix my story, but it would never work right. It is only when I hand the pin over that my story can start to be redeemed. For me it didn't happen overnight, but God did it. He has redeemed my story for His glory. My life tells a story of His love, grace, and healing. He has done so much. He has been good to me. He redeemed the story. 

Whatever the wreckage in your life, surrender the pin into the hands of the Master. Let Him redeem your story. He will redeem your story. The joy will be greater than your pain. The redemption will be greater than the wreckage. This is the God we serve. He is able to do far more than we can ask or imagine. So let Him work. Surrender the pin, step back, and see the wonders He unfolds. 

Lord, Lead Me

Lord, 

Lead me. 

Show me the way you want me to go.

Light the way with Your truth. 

Give me eyes to see it. 

Let me not be held back by my fears or disappointments. 

Once I see it Lord, let me start walking. 

Give me strength for the way. 

Let me look to You. 

Let me love, serve and give.  

Your way is perfect and leads to life. 

Now and always, let me be found following You.
Amen

A Grateful Single

Recently I saw a single woman write a post about what she wished she had. She bemoaned her single state. She made a long list of all the things she was missing. 

How many times have I been there? Maybe I haven't posted on Facebook about it, but I too have focused on what I didn't have and bemoaned my lack of a wedding ring.

But is that what God wants me to do? Hasn't He called me to live a life of joyful praise and service to Him? Hasn't He invited me to live dependant on Him and enjoy the life He has given me? Isn't He calling me to live fully alive now, not wait for someday? Hasn't He opened a way for us to live an abundant and full life now? 

We can choose to live life always looking at what we don't have or we can choose to look at what we have been given. We can choose to live in grateful service to God.

Choose to look at the blessings He has given and live a life of gratitude. It's a beautiful thing to see. 

Live!

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I went to a Voice Of The Martyrs Conference recently.

It was an amazing day full of singing, stories, and glory to God. I thoroughly enjoyed it. 

God reminded me of a few things that day. 

One was that I have become too comfortable. I had slipped into a nice routine of being comfortable with my nice little bubble. I am perfectly fine with never leaving my bubble and risking for the Gospel. Ultimately if I am not stepping out of my comfort zone I'm not growing. 

I am called to Live. Not just live, but Live fully alive. Be sold out for God. Live with a passion for God. Audaciously love others. Risk looking foolish for the sake of the Gospel.

I have a global family. Many of them are hurting. Many of them face persecution. Many of them are discouraged. I want to remember them. I want to pray for them. I want to share their stories.

I've heard a lot of people worry about when persecution is going to come to America. Rarely have I heard someone worrying about the apathy that is so pervasive in our culture. I want to fight against that apathy. The apathy that says I don't have to do anything right now. The apathy that keeps me from reaching out. The apathy that keeps me living a good enough life when God has an adventure waiting for me. 

Its easy to focus on what we don't struggle with and worry about it. It's a lot hard to tackle the sins in our own lives. But friends we must. Fight apathy. We must live happy sold out lives for Christ so that people will ask us who we serve. Let us live lives that are a beautiful picture of His life and love in the world. Whatever God has called you to do, do it with all your might. Live! 

Focus Counts

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I have to admit Valentines day is one I have struggled with through the years. I mean being a single girl with no guy in her life right now it's easy to look at all the posts of happy couples and conclude that I am the last single woman on the planet. Now while even a cursery glance at my friends list tells me otherwise, I still have to fight to not dissolve into a puddle of tears or an ugly jealous person.

Where you chose to focus can makes a huge difference. When I chose to focus on what I don't have it makes me ungrateful and angry. Or I can focus on what God has given me. The family I do have. The friends I have been given. The forgiveness and peace that I have before God. When I choose to look at what I do have, it changes my perspective. I can see the fingerprints of my Loving Heaven Father even in the hardest times. 

This year as I approach another Valentines Day as a single woman, I want to see my life from God's perspective. I want to focus on the many blessings He has given me. I want to focus on growing the relationships that God has placed in my life. I was to look at my life through the lense of grace that I have been given. It makes a huge difference. 

So the next time that you catch yourself wistfully looking at a friend's seemingly perfect life or see an Instagram photo of a happy couple, stop. Take some time to remind yourself of what God has given you. Make a list of some of the blessings He's placed in your life. Remember some of the great friendships He's given you. It beats wallowing in a bad perspective any day of the week. 

It Mattered

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I see a picture of me from 2017. I wasted so much time.

I think back to my early twenties. I spent so much time pining instead of living. 

I think back to choices I made and sins I let in. How could I have been so stupid? 

A friend reminds me of an event we shared. I didn't enjoy it as much as I could have. 

I am gushing with a friend over her ring. An image comes to mind of when I had one on my finger. Will I ever have a ring on my finger again? 

I am reminded of how I wallowed in guilt and shame. All that time I wasted in self loathing. 

Then this morning God brought a song that answered all of these. Every Mile Mattered.

God helped me to see these things through His perspective. Even the times that I desperately wish were different were a part of what shaped me. Even the times that I was falling behind God was working. Ultimately God is weaving All of my life into His master plan. All the tears, pain, and difficulties are in the hands of the Master. He uses them for His Divine purpose.

Did He cause me to sin? No. He never tempts me. Always He is calling me. In the pain and tears (even the ones I bring on myself) He is calling me to leave the sinful path. He keeps offering me life to the full. 

So today when I look back on those pictures or think about events that happened I can say this, yes that is a part of my past. But by God's grace I don't have to live there. I can live free from the guilt. I can know that God is using all of these threads (even the black ones) for His glory and my good. He is taking even the squandered opportunities and redeeming them.

So Lord, I give my past to You once again. Take these broken and messed up parts of my past. Teach me to see them as you do. Teach me to trust You in all things. Teach me to look to You to build a better tomorrow. 

I Thought I Was Over It

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I thought I would be over it by now. I can't tell you how many times this thought has crossed my mind in some form or fashion over the last two and a half years. I'm melting down after a memory got triggered. I thought I would be over the tears after a few months. I see a post on Facebook of a beautiful ring and a smiling couple and I fight Jealousy, depressing thoughts, and envy. I thought I would be over this by now. Someone asks me if I'm married and my heart aches. I thought I would be over this by now. Tears come over the past that I can't change. I thought I would be over this by now. I'm at a wedding and a million thoughts and emotions are coursing through me. I thought I would be doing better than this by now. 

I don't know where I got this picture in my head (maybe too many fun, but misguided movies) but I thought after my breakup that I would recover faster. I thought I would struggle for a few months and then be fine. I would be back to normal. It didn't happen that way. Months afterward I'm crying at anything and everything that brought back memories. After a year I had made huge progress, but I was still struggling with memories and guilt. Two years I had made great progress, but still felt like I had hang ups. Now almost three years later I was in church today fighting a mind battle over things that happened in 2017. And yes I wonder, will I ever get over it? 

I think whether or not we want to admit it healing takes a lot longer then we want it to. Truly resting in Christ's grace and remembering that we are forgiven for EVERYTHING we have ever done takes times. It takes practice to repel the enemies attacks on our soul. It takes practice to bring our tears to God. It takes time and grace to fight the battles of bitterness and unforgiveness. But this I do know from the last two and a half years: God is faithful. His grace is ENOUGH. He is greater than the struggle and the pain. He is with us through every step.

It's easy to think, I'm never going to get better. I'm always going to be this way. This is proof that God isn't who He said He is. It's a lie. God isn't finished. He is working and will work in your life. Just because we don't recover at the same rate they do on Hallmark doesn't mean that God isn't working healing. 

As I look back now I can see God's amazing work in the last few years. He has done so much healing and brought to life more hope than I ever thought possible. Are there days when I still struggle? Yes, but I'm not in the place I was three years ago. For that I am incredibly grateful. 

Reality is that we live in a fallen world. Things take longer than we want. Problems don't go away as fast as we want. Pain hangs on longer than we want. Situations don't change like we want. But there is also grace beyond what we can imagine. There is hope beyond our dreams. There is healing to be found in our Great God. Reach for Him. He will be found. 

For every time that you think to yourself, I thought I would be over this. Remember this, God is more amazing than I can ever imagine.