A Grateful Single

Recently I saw a single woman write a post about what she wished she had. She bemoaned her single state. She made a long list of all the things she was missing. 

How many times have I been there? Maybe I haven't posted on Facebook about it, but I too have focused on what I didn't have and bemoaned my lack of a wedding ring.

But is that what God wants me to do? Hasn't He called me to live a life of joyful praise and service to Him? Hasn't He invited me to live dependant on Him and enjoy the life He has given me? Isn't He calling me to live fully alive now, not wait for someday? Hasn't He opened a way for us to live an abundant and full life now? 

We can choose to live life always looking at what we don't have or we can choose to look at what we have been given. We can choose to live in grateful service to God.

Choose to look at the blessings He has given and live a life of gratitude. It's a beautiful thing to see. 

My Struggle, Your Struggle

I was doing my workout program the other day. I was in the middle of a stretch and one of the helpful prompts came on. "You shouldn't feel any pain." I smiled to myself It occurred to me that this was how most people respond when I tell them I struggle with being single. "You shouldn't feel that way sweetie. I mean when I was young I didn't even worry about it." "Are you kidding me? Just wait until you have to live with a toddler" "Just think of all that you have. You have no idea all the I go through in a day." "He's probably right around the corner. I mean before I met my husband, I thought it was never going to happen." 

Words like this hurt. Sometimes I know they are trying to help, but I feel like I shared with them a struggle and they essentially said that my struggle isn't valid. 

The thing is, I know we all have a struggle. We all have something we all have something that causes us pain. Something we wish we could change. We pray. We hope. We dream of a better future. Yet day by day it chips away at our hope. It drags our mood down. It makes us want to give up. In our eyes it always seems worse than everyone else's pain. It has to be. I mean I live with it day in and day out. It has to be the worst and baddest thing anyone has ever seen. Maybe then I will get some sympathy. Maybe when I'm the center of attention I will gain acceptance. Maybe just maybe I will find healing.
I know I've been guilty of this. I know that I have caught myself putting own others pain because of my own. I know I have come up with reasons why my pain is worse than hers. I know I have had some really great pity parties trying to find healing or at least trying to dull the pain for a while.

But what if hope for the struggle comes not from making our struggle look worse then others, but in going to the one who can give us unlimited grace FOR the struggle? What if healing comes not when we put others down for their pain, but when we bring our broken hearts to the Healer? 

For me singleness is a struggle. It's not something I chose, but it is a good gift that God has given me. The pain is real, but so is God. This struggle is made to draw me to God and it works. I have to constantly go back to Him and gain peace and strength for the struggle. But He is amazing. He is empowering me to face this struggle with grace and courage. I'm still working on it. I still have so far to go, but Go is bigger than the struggle. He is able to see the pearl that it will create. He can encourage me from the perspective of eternity. He is good His love endure forever.
What is that for you? What is the struggle in your life that God uses to draw you to Him? It's not comfortable or easy, but you can know that in all of this God is working for your good. He cares for you and wants your heart more than anything. In the middle of all of this He will be with you. Keep going to Him. He will satisfy you. He will give you strength. He will give you grace without limit. He will enable you to face that struggle with courage. 

Truth and Lies

Recently I've been reading a book on womanhood and femininity. While the book has been good in some areas, personally I felt like it missed the mark.
Honestly I don't remember ever struggling with Biblical womanhood. I grew up in a home that valued being a woman and serving God. I realize now how rare this is and am so thankful for the home I have. I have been totally on board with God's veiw of femininity.
Women are called to be keepers at home. Amen!
Women should be good helpers to their husband's. Absolutely!
Women should be submissive. Yes!
Women should be busy, diligent, and hard working for the glory of God and the good of others. Totally.
What I realized is that while I knew all of these truths I got on the wrong track to fulfilling them. I thought my single years were a holding tank where I was waiting for marriage. All of my life was to become focused on preparing for marriage and keeping a home. Every day I was holding my breath waiting for the guy to come along. My life was focused on my marriage dream not on God.
Slowly this messed up perspective ate away my trust in God and joy. I became bitter and self-centered. Marriage became my idol.
Praise God He chooses to work in our lives even when we believe lies. Especially in the last two years He has been remaking my heart to be more like His. He has remained me of the truth. Here's some of what I have learned.
1. I am here to bring Him glory. Everything I do or say is (or should be) to bring Him glory. My life is not my own, it is His.
2. I have a mission. God gave me a mission to love and encourage the Church. That started a long time ago. It doesn't start the moment I get married, it has already begun.
3. I am not in control. My future and anything it might hold has been given into God's hands. Although there are times when I struggle greatly with this reality, it is true. The best thing I can do is pry my hands off my illusion of control and give it to God. I can trust the God of all time with my future.
4. I have been given so much right now. As I look around I see how much God has given me. There is so much to be grateful for.
5. I am right where I am supposed to be. There is a great temptation for me to think that I missed the boat. Maybe if I had tried a little harder or done something different I would have been married by now. But God keeps reminding me that He sees me. He didn't make a mistake. I am right where I should be. I am doing what God has called me to.
Remembering these truths has transformed the way I view life and my future. It makes all the difference.
Today I am so thankful that God and His truths never change. Even when I am being fickle, emotional, or crazy He never changes. He is and always will be God. He is always good and He has been good to me.
Today I can celebrate these truths. I can live them out with joy because of the Ultimate Truth Giver.

Choosing to Celebrate

Honestly.... last week I was tossing in my bed worrying. I realized that Valentines Day was coming up. And what was I going to do? I was worried about how I would handle the 14th. It seemed like so much was reminding me of what I wish was mine. I didn't want it to become a pity party, but I felt like I was heading there.
But then a friend sent me a link to this article. https://www.incourage.me/2019/02/i-dare-you-buy-the-flowers.html.
It gave me pause. Hearing someone else confirm that the pain is real, but there's also joy in this season.
It occurred to me that I had a choice.
I could read everyone's Facebook posts and have a pity party, or I could celebrate what God is doing here and now. I could celebrate the love He has given me. I could celebrate the good gifts He has given me. I could switch the focus back where it belongs. I can focus on the Perfect and Holy One. The One who is my Redeemer. The One who is my life and love. That is worth a celebration.
Will you join me? Celebrate what God is doing in your life. Shout it out. Celebrate His love and faithfulness. Enjoy His gifts. Revel in His care. Let's do this!

Bringing It To Him

Last fall I was very restless. I couldn't escape the feeling of wanting to do something different. I wanted to take on a new adventure. 

The thing was no matter how hard I tried, no new adventure came. No new doors opened. Monthes passed and still nothing. I was getting very frustrated. One day I went out walking and talking to God. I told Him I was frustrated with life. I told Him I had tried everything, but this restless feeling persisted. When I finished and started listening He spoke. He told me that I would rather take on a new adventure than stay and deal with pain of still being single. Ouch! That one hurt to hear. 

Honestly I didn't want to deal with the pain of being single. The pain of unfulfilled longing. Anytime it came to the surface, I had surpressed it. I thought it was wrong to want anything else besides God. So when the longing for marriage would come up, I would feel guilty because I wasn't desiring God. I would try to shove it down. The thing was I did (and still do) desire a Godly marriage. And trying to deal with the pain of disappointment and honest desire was scary. My approach of acting like it wasn't there wasn't working. 

So I went to a Godly woman in our church and asked for counsel. She didn't deny my desire or my pain. She encouraged me instead to take it to Christ. Instead of feeling guilty and running from Christ, to take my pain to Christ. 

This was a game changer for me. I started coming to Christ with my pain and disappointment. I started bringing Him my longing and desire. He is such a good God. When I come to Him with tears for what I long to have, He comforts me. He reminds me that I am not alone. He reminds me of who I am in Him. He reminds me that He too lived through singleness and longing to be united to His bride. He reminds me of His faithfulness. He reminds me of His love. He reminds me of the mission for here and now. 

I'm still in the learning process. I'm still learning to bring Him all the feelings of longing and disappiontment. I'm still learning to receive the comfort and peace He freely gives. But He is so tender and patient. He keeps loving me and working through all of it. 

Whatever you are going through, bring it to God. You may not know how to deal with it, but He does. He knows what you need. He will be the best comfort and encouragement you will ever know. 

For My Single And Married Friends

Photo credit: Mikayla Holman

One of the things I have noticed on Facebook is a lot of posts aimed at singles that go something like this, (picture of me and my guy) single women wait for a love like this. 

Through the years I have read a lot of these posts and come away feeling more discouraged. I know the people who posted this meant well, but when I read this post I feel like it spotlights my singleness. Their fullness spotlights my emptiness. Their relationship status highlights mine. Their wait being over spotlights my (sometimes hard) wait.

When you write a post or are having a conversation, where does the spotlight fall? Sadly I feel like all too often I read these posts and turn the spotlight toward me and what I wish I had. I choose to look at the waiting and the downsides to singleness. 

But where should I be focusing? Toward myself or toward the all sufficient Christ? When I choose to point the spotlight toward Christ and the gospel a change takes place. As I see more of His worthiness my pain becomes less. As I remember all that He is my purpose become clear. 

No matter what position we are in, whether single or married, we are to honor God in the middle of it. In all that we do, if we aren't trusting God wholly and learning to love our neighbors (even through Facebook) we are failing. If He isn't coming through in every Facebook post, every conversation, every word, then we are not living according to the riches of His goodness. 

So how do we do this? 

To my married/dating friends - let me tell you from the bottom of my heart that I am happy for you. I know that your special someone is the fruit of years of prayer and hard relationship work. I hope that I can be one of the ones that celebrates with you and enjoys seeing what God does in your life. 

When you want to encourage your single friends, the best thing that you can encourage us with is the gospel. Encourage us to look to Christ. Encourage us to live the life that God has called us to live.

To my single friends - I know that it's hard to be single sometimes and there's a lot of things we have to deal with. But what if we started rejoicing with people instead of envying them? What if we started encouraging our married or dating friends? What if we starting living life as if  Christ is enough? What if we proclaimed His goodness in our lives? What if we became the best servers, lovers, and friends that we can?

No matter where you are, start declaring His faithfulness to those around you. Let us see what God does when we start loving each other! 

Dreams, Singleness, And A Lie

Recently I came to a conclusion that I'm a little ashamed to admit. Why? Because it's a lie that I grew up with and never faced head on. 

This was the lie - once I get married then I won't have to figure out what to do with my days anymore. Husband and kids will be what my life is all about. So my goal became to bide my time until I found the guy. Then I would keep a house, enjoy having a husband/best friend, and raise kids. That's it.

What I've been realizing is that God has a bigger plan for my life than just marriage and kids. The truth is that (according to my unofficial study of my married friends) there's so much more that God has for us to do. Marriage and raising kids are one of the things that He wants for us, but He also wants us to live radical lives that touch those around us for His Kingdom. This certainly includes marriage, but its not the totality of Gods plan to advance His Kingdom. 

This is changing how I look at my singleness. This time is not biding time until this guy shows up. This is a valuable time. A time to dream. A time to see God work. A time to take chances. A time to grow radically in God. A time to advance the Kingdom of God while not as distracted. 

So now whether single or married, my life is His. He has lavished beautiful radical love on me. My days are in His hands. 

He is too worthy just to bide time. He is too worthy to waste this season that I have been given living for myself. 

What do I do now? I can't change the past, but I can change how I move forward. God has given me today. He has given me another chance to dream. So I'm going to take it. I pray that over the next few months I can dream and use this time to its best potential. 

I want to live radically for the One who has given me His very life. 

So if you will excuse me until next time, I'm off to dream.