Truth and Lies

Recently I've been reading a book on womanhood and femininity. While the book has been good in some areas, personally I felt like it missed the mark.
Honestly I don't remember ever struggling with Biblical womanhood. I grew up in a home that valued being a woman and serving God. I realize now how rare this is and am so thankful for the home I have. I have been totally on board with God's veiw of femininity.
Women are called to be keepers at home. Amen!
Women should be good helpers to their husband's. Absolutely!
Women should be submissive. Yes!
Women should be busy, diligent, and hard working for the glory of God and the good of others. Totally.
What I realized is that while I knew all of these truths I got on the wrong track to fulfilling them. I thought my single years were a holding tank where I was waiting for marriage. All of my life was to become focused on preparing for marriage and keeping a home. Every day I was holding my breath waiting for the guy to come along. My life was focused on my marriage dream not on God.
Slowly this messed up perspective ate away my trust in God and joy. I became bitter and self-centered. Marriage became my idol.
Praise God He chooses to work in our lives even when we believe lies. Especially in the last two years He has been remaking my heart to be more like His. He has remained me of the truth. Here's some of what I have learned.
1. I am here to bring Him glory. Everything I do or say is (or should be) to bring Him glory. My life is not my own, it is His.
2. I have a mission. God gave me a mission to love and encourage the Church. That started a long time ago. It doesn't start the moment I get married, it has already begun.
3. I am not in control. My future and anything it might hold has been given into God's hands. Although there are times when I struggle greatly with this reality, it is true. The best thing I can do is pry my hands off my illusion of control and give it to God. I can trust the God of all time with my future.
4. I have been given so much right now. As I look around I see how much God has given me. There is so much to be grateful for.
5. I am right where I am supposed to be. There is a great temptation for me to think that I missed the boat. Maybe if I had tried a little harder or done something different I would have been married by now. But God keeps reminding me that He sees me. He didn't make a mistake. I am right where I should be. I am doing what God has called me to.
Remembering these truths has transformed the way I view life and my future. It makes all the difference.
Today I am so thankful that God and His truths never change. Even when I am being fickle, emotional, or crazy He never changes. He is and always will be God. He is always good and He has been good to me.
Today I can celebrate these truths. I can live them out with joy because of the Ultimate Truth Giver.

Identity #2: Defined By...

I don't know where I picked up this lie, but it became embedded deep inside me. I thought that when I started dating/courting someone that I was supposed to take on their way of thinking and always take their view in terms of theology or any grey areas. Like I was supposed to be a sponge soaking in whatever he told me. I was waiting for that guy to tell me part of my identity. 

In 2017 I got my wish. A handsome guy swept me off my feet and offered me the world. I was taken. I forged ahead throwing caution and sound judgement to the wind. We set a date for the wedding and started planning a life together. 

I assumed the identity of fiancée/sponge quite well. I changed to fit the identity that he wanted. The problem was that I started to lose the real me. I wasn't becoming more like Christ. I was becoming more like a sponge, logic that was full of holes and in relationships  sliding down a slippery slope.  

It was then that God lovingly intervened. He didn't hand me over to that identity. The engagement broke up. 

I was devastated. Stripped of my coveted identity, I felt so beat down and lost. I reeled in the pain of loss. 

Yet He came to me. He pressed in passed the pain. He peeled through layers of hurt. He carried me through. He gave me grace. He reminded me who I am. He reminded me of the person He created me to be. He reminded me of the mission He gave me. 

To be continued...

Dreams, Singleness, And A Lie

Recently I came to a conclusion that I'm a little ashamed to admit. Why? Because it's a lie that I grew up with and never faced head on. 

This was the lie - once I get married then I won't have to figure out what to do with my days anymore. Husband and kids will be what my life is all about. So my goal became to bide my time until I found the guy. Then I would keep a house, enjoy having a husband/best friend, and raise kids. That's it.

What I've been realizing is that God has a bigger plan for my life than just marriage and kids. The truth is that (according to my unofficial study of my married friends) there's so much more that God has for us to do. Marriage and raising kids are one of the things that He wants for us, but He also wants us to live radical lives that touch those around us for His Kingdom. This certainly includes marriage, but its not the totality of Gods plan to advance His Kingdom. 

This is changing how I look at my singleness. This time is not biding time until this guy shows up. This is a valuable time. A time to dream. A time to see God work. A time to take chances. A time to grow radically in God. A time to advance the Kingdom of God while not as distracted. 

So now whether single or married, my life is His. He has lavished beautiful radical love on me. My days are in His hands. 

He is too worthy just to bide time. He is too worthy to waste this season that I have been given living for myself. 

What do I do now? I can't change the past, but I can change how I move forward. God has given me today. He has given me another chance to dream. So I'm going to take it. I pray that over the next few months I can dream and use this time to its best potential. 

I want to live radically for the One who has given me His very life. 

So if you will excuse me until next time, I'm off to dream.