Who Am I Waiting For?

Photo Credit: Clint Fair

I turned the journal over in my hand. 11 years. I had been given this Wait For Me journal 11 years ago at Christmas. It was a journal that I was meant to write out special thoughts to give to my future husband. I had written so many letters to my future husband in that journal. I prayed and longed for the day when I could give it to the one my heart loved most. 

Yet as I held the journal in my hands, I realized something. For so many years I had been waiting for a guy to be the one. The one who would give me purpose. The one who would give me my dreams. The one who would walk with me no matter what. The one who would take care of me. If you had asked me 11 years ago I wouldn't have summed it up like this, but that was what I was wanting. I was wanting a man to take the place of God.

But God, who is rich in mercy, gave me something far better. He gave me Himself. He showed me the idols that vied for my heart and taught (and is teaching) to replace them with more of Himself. 

Now I know that there is only One who is worthy to wait for. There is only One who can fulfill all my dreams. There is only One that I can trust to always come through for me. There is only One who will take care of me for all eternity. He is so good to me. He is so gracious and faithful. Even when I fail, sin, and wander He keeps on loving me and drawing me back to Himself. He keeps rescuing me and forgiving me. He keeps caring for me. He keeps drawing me and loving me through all my stumbling towards Him.

We are all waiting for something. We are all waiting for what we think will bring us happiness and peace. Let us turn our eyes to Christ. He conquered our sin. He paid the bride price for us on the cross. He rose again and brought us new life. He lives and walks with us. It is only in Him that we find lasting happiness and fulfillment. Let us wait for Him. Let us seek Him. Let us trust in Him. He is the only One worthy of the wait.  

Tangible

Last night I was crying. I could hardly put into words what was bothering me. It seemed like a bunch of scattered pieces and I couldn't make sense of it. 

As I was falling asleep my brain got stuck on the word tangible. At the heart of the struggle was that God doesn't seem as tangible as the things on this earth. It's hard sometimes to feel His embrace and know His voice. 

Honestly I've been missing tangible hugs from a boyfriend, having conversations, texting, and more. I miss the tangible. 

But just because God doesn't seem as tangible doesn't make Him any less real. In reality, He is alive in me. He fights for me and protects me. He sanctifies me and restores me. That is as real as the tablet I'm using to write this. That is the reality that I get to live in and enjoy.

Still there are times my heart longs for more. For tangible things that I can hold. 

There's two stories in the Bible that contrast how people chose to deal with their longing for the tangible. 

The Israelites were at the foot of Mount Sinai. Moses had been up on the mountain for days. They got tired of waiting. They long for the promise to be fulfilled. They longed for the tangible. So they had Aaron make them an idol. It was tangible and they used it to have some sinful fun, but in the end they had to drink in the bitterness of their sin. 

Then there's Joseph. He had a dream and a pretty good life under Potiphar. Even though he was a slave he was the highest one in the house. Then the masters wife decided that Joseph could serve her sinful desires. Joseph had the opportunity to have something tangible to enjoy, but He chose to stand firm in God. For years he paid the price for her sin. But when he did rise to power, he still had purity and trust in God. 

In this Joseph modeled a way for us to wait for the tangible. It may not be easy or fun. There will be times with tears and pain, but in the end God gives us the best gifts. Not only the gift of Himself, but also a tangible life better than the one we could have planned for ourselves. 

Oh my soul, the next time you are tempted to grab for the tangible outside of God's timing, stand firm. Cling to Gods promises and stand firm. Remember who God is and all He has done for you and stand firm. Remember that the pain of this moment won't be forever, stand firm. Remember all that He has given you and stand firm. Remember His love and faithfulness and stand firm.