Identity #3: Who I Am

When I was beat down and broken, He reminded me of who I am. When I was reeling from loss and didn't know what to do, He wooed me back to Him. When I felt defeated He reminded me of my purpose. The beautiful purpose that He had for me before the foundation of the world was laid. 

When I was in my early teens I wanted to do God's plan for my life. I wanted Him to give me a mission to accomplish. I prayed and asked God what He wanted me to be. 

It was then that He gave me a vision for what He wanted me to be. In a nutshell it's this: I want to be a woman passionately seeking God's heart and I want to encourage the Church. It's that simple. 

Through the years I've tried to follow His leading and encourage the Church. It's looked so different for different times in the last 15 years. Sometimes it's looked like being there for a neighbor when they felt alone. Encouraging a friend that she's on the right track. Blogging. Pursuing a closer walk with God through study and quiet time. Singing to a baby in the Neonatal Intensive Care. Though the expression has been different the vision has been the same.

But recently He showed me how He sees me. He sees me as His bride that He is making ready for Himself. He is cleansing and refining. He has and is giving me white to wear for the day when I meet Him. 

When I was preparing for my wedding, I spent so much time planning the details and worrying about how I would look for that day. What if I started putting as much preparation for my heavenly wedding? What if I prepared for the day when I will walk down a gold paved aisle to meet my God? What if I lived as the blood bought Bride of Christ? 

So who am I really? I am Rose. Chosen by God before the foundation of the world was laid to become His. Through the blood of Christ, I am cleansed and sanctified to be ready for service. Now I can love and encourage the church wherever I find them. 

And one day I will meet my God dressed in the purity that He purchased for me. One day I will see the joy on His face at my coming. One day I will be fully His bride beautiful. 

For now I wait and prepare for that day. For now I trust Him and follow His leading. For now I walk free in Him. I know who I am. I am His. 

Special Thanks to Mikayla for the photos. 

Identity #2: Defined By...

I don't know where I picked up this lie, but it became embedded deep inside me. I thought that when I started dating/courting someone that I was supposed to take on their way of thinking and always take their view in terms of theology or any grey areas. Like I was supposed to be a sponge soaking in whatever he told me. I was waiting for that guy to tell me part of my identity. 

In 2017 I got my wish. A handsome guy swept me off my feet and offered me the world. I was taken. I forged ahead throwing caution and sound judgement to the wind. We set a date for the wedding and started planning a life together. 

I assumed the identity of fiancée/sponge quite well. I changed to fit the identity that he wanted. The problem was that I started to lose the real me. I wasn't becoming more like Christ. I was becoming more like a sponge, logic that was full of holes and in relationships  sliding down a slippery slope.  

It was then that God lovingly intervened. He didn't hand me over to that identity. The engagement broke up. 

I was devastated. Stripped of my coveted identity, I felt so beat down and lost. I reeled in the pain of loss. 

Yet He came to me. He pressed in passed the pain. He peeled through layers of hurt. He carried me through. He gave me grace. He reminded me who I am. He reminded me of the person He created me to be. He reminded me of the mission He gave me. 

To be continued...

Identity #1: What I Wanted To Become

I stared at the list. I wondered what it was that had captured me. Why I was so mesmerized by this list of what I wanted to be from sometime a few years ago? 

Maybe it was that I was interested in what I thought I would be vs. What I actually became.

 

As I look back I think about me as an teenager. That girl had so many dreams of what life would be like. She could just picture how it would all happen. She would have some adventures and fun travels. Then she would meet the one and they would get married and start a family. 

But it didn't happen that way. The identity that I wanted so badly to assume didn't come my way. I felt so lost and confused. I hadn't planned for anything else. All I wanted back in 2016 was to be a wife and mom. 

Because it wasn't happening I became bitter and discontent. I was becoming increasingly upset because I thought God wasn't giving me the identity that I desperately wanted. 

There were several times during this time there were so many times when He was encouraging me. So many times when He was holding out a better way. Reminding me that who I was in Him had not changed. That He had already given me a beautiful identity in Him. But I wasn't really listening.

Sometimes the only way that God can get ahold of you is to give you what you have been begging Him for. And that is what He did for me. 

To be continued...