Soundbite Or Symphony

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At Thanksgiving my extended family gets together at my great aunts house for dinner. It's always a fun time to catch up with relatives that we only see once a year.
Last Thanksgiving I was feeling a little insecure. I had recently left my daycare job and was waiting to hear back from the preschool that I wanted to get hired at. I still didn't have a boyfriend. Nothing had really changed in my life since 2017. At least not on the surface. Essentially when people would ask me how I was doing I feel like the answer would come out something like this, "Well, I'm currently unemployed, single, and I no idea what next year will look like." I mean I still have a great family and a good life, but at that moment I felt like compared to so many of my cousins who have spouses and amazing careers my life wan't making a good soundbite.
On the car trip home I was talking to God. I felt like I had fallen short. Yet God had a different perspective.  "Your life isn't meant to be lived for the soundbites. It's meant to be lived for the symphony. The life that you live creates a symphony for Me." It was then I started to hear it. The symphony that God was writing. The notes that only I perceive. The seemly random "instruments" that come together to make a beautiful whole. The lower notes that add a richness to the whole and the high notes that spur me on.
No one writes a symphony better than God. While my life may not always sound the bet when I condense it into ten seconds, God is always making a good symphony. If I look back on the whole and listen I can hear it. I can hear they beautiful strain of His story. I can hear my little part in it and smile.
So I can go on, knowing that He is creating a symphony that no soundbite can due justice to.

This Moment

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Sometimes it's easy to look at what I don't have.

What I wish was mine. 

What others have. 

I can look at photographs capturing something beautiful. 

I can draw conclusions. 

I can compare my life to others. 

I can become depressed. 

I can be sad at what I don't have. 

I can get mad. 

But with God, I can do something different. 

Because of the blood of Christ, I'm empowered to look at these moments differently. 

I can look at my life through the lense of grace. 

I can choose to say that in this moment God is good. 

This moment is a gift. 

In this moment God has been good to me. 

In this moment I can be grateful for what I have. 

In this moment I can rejoice in the Lord. 

In this moment I can praise God. 

In this moment I can look up. 

This is a good gift and one I am thankful for. Anytime that God empowers me to do this, I'm grateful. 

Whatever this moment holds for you, remember that God is all you need. He has given you cause to rejoice in this moment. Take advantage of this moment. Enjoy it. Enjoy God in it. 

Who Am I Waiting For?

Photo Credit: Clint Fair

I turned the journal over in my hand. 11 years. I had been given this Wait For Me journal 11 years ago at Christmas. It was a journal that I was meant to write out special thoughts to give to my future husband. I had written so many letters to my future husband in that journal. I prayed and longed for the day when I could give it to the one my heart loved most. 

Yet as I held the journal in my hands, I realized something. For so many years I had been waiting for a guy to be the one. The one who would give me purpose. The one who would give me my dreams. The one who would walk with me no matter what. The one who would take care of me. If you had asked me 11 years ago I wouldn't have summed it up like this, but that was what I was wanting. I was wanting a man to take the place of God.

But God, who is rich in mercy, gave me something far better. He gave me Himself. He showed me the idols that vied for my heart and taught (and is teaching) to replace them with more of Himself. 

Now I know that there is only One who is worthy to wait for. There is only One who can fulfill all my dreams. There is only One that I can trust to always come through for me. There is only One who will take care of me for all eternity. He is so good to me. He is so gracious and faithful. Even when I fail, sin, and wander He keeps on loving me and drawing me back to Himself. He keeps rescuing me and forgiving me. He keeps caring for me. He keeps drawing me and loving me through all my stumbling towards Him.

We are all waiting for something. We are all waiting for what we think will bring us happiness and peace. Let us turn our eyes to Christ. He conquered our sin. He paid the bride price for us on the cross. He rose again and brought us new life. He lives and walks with us. It is only in Him that we find lasting happiness and fulfillment. Let us wait for Him. Let us seek Him. Let us trust in Him. He is the only One worthy of the wait.  

The Searching

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A few days ago one of our goats wondered off. We searched and searched with no success.

While I was searching I started thinking. Why does God have to search for us like we are searching for this lost goat? He knows where we are better than we do. He sees all things. Yet in His parables, He told of a Shepherd that searched for His lost sheep. Of a Father watching the horizon for His wayward son. Even all the way back in Genesis God was searching for His two fallen children.

Maybe because in all of these stories and parables God is showing us a bit of His heart. A facet of His love. He could storm into where we are and yank us back to where we should be. He would be within His rights.
But that's not how He's chosen to interact with us. He chooses to be the God who searches us out where we are. He comes to us in the middle of our lostness. When we have lost our identity. When we trampled on boundaries and made ourselves vulnerable. When we cast aside the rules and were left without a compass. The way we wondered left us cold. Yet we kept walking on. Surely there would be warmth and good things just around the next bend. Yet every path, every way, every new thing just led us farther away from God.

But God never gave up on us. He wound His way through the forests that we got lost in. He kept searching until He found us, deep in the darkness of sin. He didn't leave us there. On the cross He gave His life blood for the lost. In that moment He made a way for us to come home. 

Then comes the moment of truth. We have a choice. We can keep making endless painful circles or we can take His hand and go home. Yet we know we are not worthy to go home. We have wondered too far, done too much, ran for too long. But Christ offers us His nail scarred hands to guide us home. He has paid the price. He has covered for our sins. With gratitude we slowly extend our hand in consent. With a smile so big that it lights up the night He takes our hand and begins to walk. 

He forgives us and leads us back home. No condemnation. No guilt trip. Just a loving tender hand that guides us back home. Home where we are met with a celebration. Home where we can rest. Home where fellowship happens. Home where He is. 

Friends, this is our God. The One that pursues us when we are running from Him. The One who died to bring us home. The One who leads us home. 

This is nothing short of a wonder. That God Himself would pursue His rebellious creations. It feels my heart with joy and wonder.

I praise God! The God who pursues me when I am just like a sheep running from Him. He never gives up on me. I praise Him for His love and faithfulness. I praise Him for His tenderness and compassion. Now and forever. 

Christ Is Here!

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This Christmas God has been reminding me of how far His incredible love will go to redeem us. 

He chose the lowest of the low. He came to poor people who were busy just trying to make it through that day. He calmed their fears. He worked even through their trembling. He empowered them to play their part. He protected them and lead them.

This gives me great comfort for today. As I face fears, temptations, and struggles I am comforted that God will be with me too. He is alive! He conquered death itself. There is nothing He can't do. 

He can come into the middle of my day filled with business and a million things that threatened to pull me away from God. Just as He did for Mary, Joseph, and so many others He calms my fears. He gives me my mission. He empowers me every step of the way. 

This Christmas I encourage you to remember that God is alive. His love is so great that it has spanned before time began, went to a bloody cross, rose again, and today lives inside of all who believe in His name. This is a precious and costly gift. Let us always give thanks to the Giver. 

I'm Grateful For Christmas Lights

This Christmas has been a wonderful time for reflection and enjoying the good gifts that God has given. 

It's so easy for me to get focused on what I wish I had. Especially at this time of year when there's so many reminders of my single status. I can't tell you how many times I've done things and wished I had a guy to share it with. Or how many times I've seen a happy couple hand in hand strolling along and my heart aches. 

Last night I went to see some Christmas lights with my family. Usually this is the time I start wishing, but last night I didn't. I was grateful. Grateful for a Lover who always walks besides me. Grateful for the eternal hope and light He offers. Grateful for the family that I have to walk with. Grateful that I get to have this time with them. Grateful for fun Christmas light displays. Grateful for God's care.

I praise God that I came home with a light heart. I came home happy in Him. I praise God for the work He is doing in me.

I pray that this Christmas you can reflect on the many good and gracious gifts you have been given. I guarantee you it's a longer list than what you lack. 

A Prayer

God of all eternity, Lord of my heart, Lover of my soul,

I come to You now. 

I need You more than ever.

I want Your presence to come in and fill me. 

My heart is heavy God. 

It is durdened down with cares and disappointments. 

It has been battered by the struggle within and differed hope.

It is tired of hoping for dreams to come true. 

It is weary of continuing on. 

Lord, I come to You. 

I need You to remake this heart. 

I need You to break through the walls of unbelief. 

I need You to fight my doubt of You. 

I need You to remind me of who You are. 

I need You to renew my heart.

I need You to save me from temptation. 

Lord, I look to You. 

In You alone I find hope. 

In You alone I find deliverance. 

In You alone I can be redeemed. 

In You alone I find rest. 

In You alone I know who I was meant to be. 

Come, Lord Jesus.

Come into this fickle wondering heart. 

Come make it evermore Yours. 

Come change to be like Yours. 

Come be my King and Lover forever.

In the name of the One who loved me and gave Himself up for me, amen.