New Beginnings

Source

I enjoy this time of year. I have a few things that I always try to work into the last week of the year. Things like deep cleaning my room, taking a spiritual retreat, setting goals, reflecting on the past year, and enjoying leftover chocolate from Christmas.

Every year is a new beginning. A chance to grow. An opportunity to celebrate what God did in the year and look forward to what He is going to do in the new year. A fresh start. 

Even with the challenges of this year, I'm so grateful for all that God has done in my heart and life. I'm so glad for the adventures that I've been able to go on and the great people that I've been able to grow with. 

I'm excited to see how the Lord is going to continue the adventure in 2021.

Love Came Down

Source

Close your eyes and share the dream. Let everyone on earth believe. The Child was born. The star shown bright. And love came down at Christmas time.

This song by Point Of Grace is one of my all time favorite Christmas songs. It encapsulates so much. 

The Lord of love Came down as a man. 

He shared in our humanity. 

He humbled Himself. 

The One who is worshipped, became the lowest of the low. 

The one who is limitless took on limiting flesh. 

Love walked among us. 

This God is worthy of all our praise, glory, and honor. 

He is so good. 

Have a very merry Christmas in Him. 

The Light

Source

Today shine out His light. 

Today illuminate His love. 

Today burn with His passion. 

Today be a child of light. 

Today reflect the brightness of His glory. 

Today stand firm in the Light. 

Today be a light. 

Taking Time

Source

In the hustle and bustle of the holiday season, it's easy to get so busy that we miss the the wonder. 

But today I challenge you to take time and breath. 

Remember the wonder of Christ coming down to earth.

Dwell on the Redemption story. 

Let your eyes focus on the graciousness of God.

Be amazed at how our God chose to step into the history He orchestrates. 

Any time I dwell on these things they blow me away. Today I hope they blow you away too. 

The Weight Of Years

Source 

Today marks 4 years since I was asked out on date. Almost 3 and 1/2 years since I broke up with the same guy who asked me out. 

In 2021 it will have been 10 years since I made my wedding dress. There was no guy in the picture at the time, but I wanted to make an elaborate dress and I knew that I didn't want to wait until wedding crunch time. So I sewed, embroidered, and finished my dress. I packed it away for a day that I hoped wasn't far away. 

Now as I stand here years later I feel the weight of those years. I feel the time that has passed. The dreams that have been collecting dust. The hope deferred. The disappointments. 

It is so tempting when I feel the weight of years to let it drive me into self focus and discouragement. To let my gaze drift down to the pain. But praise God, there is another option. When I feel the weight of years pressing down on me, I can choose to transfer that weight onto Christ. With all the years of the Lord being faithful, it has built a support beam that holds that weight perfectly. Any time that the pressure to cave starts to press down, I can transfer the weight onto the beam of faithfulness. With all that we have walked through together, I know that it can hold the weight of whatever I am facing. 

Even in the things that break me down and make me feel like quitting, God supports the weight of years. So instead of crushing me, the weight is lifted off of me. As I turn my gaze to His faithfulness, the weight slips off my shoulders. It becomes yet another part of my journey with Him. One where He sustains me and dances with me. 

So the next time I begin to feel the pressure, I can by the grace of God transfer the weight and dance free. I can let it become part of my story, not pressure that makes me cave into selfishness. 

Yet again something that could break me becomes a testimony of God's grace and love in my life. And I am grateful. 

Thankful Thursday #4

                           source

For the last of my gratitude lists I'm going to make a list of the events that I'm grateful for. Some of these it took me awhile to see a reason to be grateful for, but in all of these I'm so so grateful to God for His Sovereign plan. 

Being born. 

Every birthday since. 

Accepting Christ as Lord and Savior. 

The day that I realized it was all about what He did for me not what I do for Him. 

My baptism. 

Engagement breakup. 

The day I thanked God for hard love. 

The day I realized that God had worked healing in me. 

Washington DC trip with the family. 

Family trip to the beach. 

Family staycation. 

Leaving a job, not knowing where I was going to work. 

The day I flew to Michigan to work on Beyond The Mask. 

Starting a new job. 

The day my friend confided in me. 

Working on a film where I was accepted and appreciated. 

Celebrating 4 years of volunteering at a hospital. 

When I got to do spitiual battle for a friend. 

When I was accepted for who I was. 

The day I started the Ellerslie Online Training. 

Celebrating Christian Passover as a family. 

Quarantine. 

All of these events have a story. There are so many memories attached to each one of them. So many ways that God showed His love and grace in each event. 

Most of all I am so thankful that Jesus has been there for every event in my journey. He's been my strength, the love that sustained me, and the heartbeat of my life. He is good. 

Thankful Thursday #3

Source

For this list I want to share some of the great things that God has given. 

A warm and welcoming home to come home to. 

A job working with kids. 

A closet full of pretty clothes and shoes. 

A working phone. 

More good food than I can eat in a week. 

Craft projects. 

Hot showers. 

5 acres that I get to walk on. 

AC. 

Fun purses and bags. 

Glass water bottles and my lunch bag. 

Pictures. 

Books. 

My kindle. 

Airplanes. 

Stamps and stationary. 

Smoothies and hot drinks. 

Journals. 

Cats and dogs. 

Music. 

Bibles. 

Flowers. 

Jewelry. 

Trains. 

Scrapbooks. 

Notebooks. 

Colored pins. 

Quilts. 

A comfy bed. 

My teddy bear collection. 

Art from my dad. 

Gifts from friends. 

Keepsakes. 

Doll collection. 

Mini tea set collection. 

Seasonal decor. 

Lotion. 

Facials. 

Nail polish and stickers. 

Clean water. 

Clean air. 

Cute masks. 

This is just a few of the physical blessings that I enjoy on a daily basis. And I'm so grateful to God for them. 

Thankful Thursday #2

Source

Today I want to list a as many of the friends past and present that have meant so much to me. I'm deeply grateful for each one of the names on this list. I could write a whole blog post about each one of these amazing people and the impact that they have had, but for now I'm going to list them.

My Dad

My mom

Sarah Holman 

Michael Holman

Grace Holman

Rebekkah Holman

Mikayla Holman

The Larkin Family 

Debra

Joanna

Mallorie 

Heidi

Keri

Victoria 

Amy

Kay

Lisa

Lory

The Perry Family 

Rosetta

Hannah

DeAnna

Sarah K

Oksana 

Erin

The Orlando sisters

Anna S

Anna T

Faith

Emma

Andrea 

Shelli

Janice

Hannah M

Kim

Vangie

Keri H

Kennedy 

My awesome coworkers

My church family 

My old filmmaking buddies

My hospital volunteer friends

And for the countless people who came into my life for only a moment, but had a tremendous impact. 

For all of these I am so grateful. 

Thankful Thursday #1

Source

During November I'm going to be sharing some lists of the things I'm grateful for. God has been so good. My life is filled to overflowing with His goodness and I'd like to share this with you.

God called me out of darkness and into His marvelous light. 

He died for my sins. 

He cleansed and continues to cleanse me from all my sins. 

Because Christ lives, I live. 

I have the Holy Spirit in me. 

I have purpose and meaning In Christ. 

God is with me wherever I go. 

I can come to God in prayer. 

Christ enables me to live a life that honors God. 

I have hope, peace, and joy. 

I have several copies of God's Word. 

I have a myriad of Bible studies. 

Songs of praise and worship are readily available to me. 

I get to live in relationship with God. 

Adventures with God never end. 

I could go on and on and on. But for now I will just say that I am so thankful for the Gracious and Faithful God I serve. He is great and compassionate. And He calls me His child. This is why I can be so grateful. He has given me all that I have and has made me into what I am. 

My Story

Photo Credit: Joanna 

It began before the foundations of the world were laid. God in eternity past chose to create me. He chose this time and place for me to be born. He wrote my story. He is working to see it all come to completion.

I've shared my testimony hundreds of times. Each time I do I'm amazed at all that God and I have walked through together. 

I can't remember the exact day I was saved, but I know that God has welcomed me into His kingdom. He has ransomed and redeemed me. He is making me more like Him. He is at work in me. 

As I look back on all that God has done and the amazing adventures we have been on, I'm so thankful for how He has walked with me every step of the way. Through all the ups and downs, mountains and valleys, excitement and boredom, adventures and daily life, He has been my Constant and Faithful God. He keeps pursuing and and loving me through all of life. I've never walked alone. 

What's your story? What roads have you and God walked together? Where have you seen Him at work? I'd love to hear about it. Feel free to write out your story in the Comments. 

The Desert

Photo Credit: Joanna S

In July I got to Joshua Tree National Park. I enjoyed climbing rocks, spending time with friends, and see some amazing views. 

God reminded me of Hosea 2. This chapter has become very dear to me because it is a reflection of my own story. 

The first part shares in graphic detail how Isreal has prostituted themselves to idols and how God responds. It's a sad tale of God's chosen people exchanging the glory of God for a false god. I too at one time had traded glory for an idol. I had let my dream of marriage grow into an ugly idol that consumed me. 

Therefore I will block her path with thornbushes; I will wall her in so that she cannot find her way. She will chase after her lovers but not catch them; she will look for them but not find them. 

This is what the Lord did for me. He blocked my way with a thornbush that I couldn't get around. I had chased my idol, but it wasn't what God wanted for me. In His kindness my engagement was broken. My heart shattered. 

Then she will say, `I will go back to my husband as at first, for then I was better off than now.'

When what you trusted in falls arart you reach back to what is worthy of trust. And this is what I did. While I lay shattered I purposed to go back to what was true and real. 

What follows in the next verses is a graphic and hard description of what God did to punish His wayward people for their idolatry and prostitution. Coming back to God is always what we should do. Yet He doesn't leave our sins unpunished. Yes He covered on the offense on the cross, but I still had to be corrected. I had to realize how wrong I had been so that I could appropriate the grace that God had for me. It was a hard time. The only way I made it through was God's sustaining hand. He stayed with me through the process and restored me. 

"Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her.

After the break up, I went through a rough time. So much pain and brokenness. Yet in the middle of all of it, I heard the tender voice of God. He kept calling out to me. He was calling me to come away from the noise and distractions. He allured me into the desert. Where we could rekindle our relationship. Where He could restore my soul. Where He could show me that He was my Source and Hope. 

There I will give her back her vineyards, and will make the Valley of Achor a door of hope. 

Indeed, the Lord made my Valley of Achor (trouble) into a door of hope. What looked like a dry desert became a passageway to green meadows. It took a few years, but God healed my heart. He made me sing again. He was so good and gracious. He renewed and restored me. Now because of His goodness I live in so much freedom and grace. 

There she will sing as in the days of her youth, as in the day she came up out of Egypt.

"In that day," declares the LORD, "you will call me `my husband'; you will no longer call me `my master.' I will remove the names of the Baals from her lips; no longer will their names be invoked.

I will betroth you to me forever; I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion. I will betroth you in faithfulness, and you will acknowledge the LORD.

I will show my love to the one I called `Not my loved one.' I will say to those called `Not my people,' `You are my people'; and they will say, `You are my God.'"

Is This What I Look Like?

source

I was at work playing with the kids. One of them brings me a toy. Is that what I look like to God when I bring Him an offering? He doesn't laugh though He needs nothing. He sees the earnest heart that it came from and accepts it with a smile. 

I am holding a screaming child. She didn't get her way and she's mad. Is this how I look to God when I don't get my way? He sees the best not just for me but those around me and yet I can be so stubborn. I scream and demand my way. Yet He waits with patient and loving arms. He loves me too much to give me my every whim. He waits for me to see it the way He does.

A group of five year olds try to one up each other. I laugh at their "boasts". But is that the way that I look to God when I boast about what I have or have done? I long to be someone of distinction and value. Yet when I boast, I disconnect from the way of my Savior. He sought to lift others up even if it meant pushing Himself down. Oh, let my heart be the same as His.

I see her cute little smile as she inches closer to me. She wants to be close for a hug or a tickle. I give her both, relishing her smile. Is this how I look to God when I come close? In those times when I'm not driven by need, but drawn into His presence by an overwhelming desire to be with my loving King. I wonder if it warms His heart. 

I see him climbing on the cabinet and tell him to get down. He doesn't know the danger, but I do and it scares me because I care about him. Is that how I look to God when I start going down a sinful path? He cries out for me to come back. I don't know the full danger, but He does. And in love He forbids what would destroy the life inside me.

He slips his hand into mine. We start walking. My heart skips a beat. I love this kid so much. Does God's heart warm when I slip my hand into His? I reach up for the Eternal God and invite Him along. Do His eyes shine as He takes my hand?

Their eyes light up when they spot a bird. They stand mesmerized by the sight. Oh, Lord this is how I want to be with You. I want to be blown away by any little glimpse of You. I want to grow up in You, but maintain a childlike faith. So let me look to You for all my needs and trust Your timing. Let me enjoy this life You have given. Let me seek You and be found by You. Let these kids teach me how You see me.

Resurrection

                                  source

What if death is merely a doorway? 

What if an end opens the way for a beginning? 

What if when it looks like the darkness has won is really an opportunity for the light to shine? 

What if the gaping hole left by someone becomes the means by greater love is poured into your life?

What if when things look the most hopeless is when the greatest power can be displayed? 

What if real life can only be birthed when our fake life dies? 

What if death is just the way that we get to the place where God can resurrect us? 

Death is not pleasant. 

Death often is accompanied by pain. 

Death is hard. 

Death of someone or something you love is inevitable. 

But there is good news. 

Our God is the Lord of Life. 

He is the King of the living. 

He is God Everlasting. 

He has the power of life in His hands. 

He is strong enough to bring resurrection to anything no matter how dead things appear. 

And He longs to bring resurrection into our lives. 

He longs for life abundant to flourish. 

This is who He is. 

This is the power of our God. 

Oh let us come to Him in faith with the dead parts of our lives and ask for a resurrection greater than anything we could imagine. 

A Dormant Season

      

source

I remember the moment like it was yesterday. I was walking outside. The air was chilly. The seasons were changing. I was scared.

It was fall of 2017. The year had been a hard one of my own making. I had cried and been through so much pain. As the cold weather came, I could feel the cold setting into my heart. Somehow I knew that this wasn't just another change in seasons. It was the beginning of a season that I would look a lot like the world around me. The color would be gone and things would be dormant. And I didn't want to be dormant. I wanted to be made whole.

So I cried. "Lord, I don't want to be here. I want to be full of life again. I don't want this season of dormancy."

He was so calm and gentle with me. He came and spoke the encouragement I needed to hear. "This season will come. Yes it will look like you are dormant, but that is not the full picture. This season will be one of deep healing. I am here with you. Embrace it."

I took a deep breath. I knew He was right. In that moment I surrendered myself to Him and embraced the winter. 

The cold came. The trees dropped their leaves. The world went dormant. Yet in that season, God still walked with me. Even in the hidness and dormancy of winter, God worked healing. 

I praise God that dormant seasons aren't forever. Just as winter comes, spring also comes. He leads us through all seasons for His names sake. He heals broken, surrendered hearts for His glory.

Lord, I come to You afresh today. You have me in this time and place for a purpose. This season is of Your making. I pray that I would be surrendered wholly and completely to You. That I may walk through this season in a way that honors You. Amen. 

Dogs At My Heels

Source

Recently I've taken back up bike riding. I had ridden a bike a lot in my teens, but had gotten out of the habit. Now I enjoy the exercise of a good bike ride around our country neighborhood.

There's only one big fear that I have. It's getting attacked by a dog. The sound of a bark is enough to make me peddle harder and avoid eye contact. Once the barking fades, I slow down and relax.

Yet sometimes I wonder if God does the same thing in my spiritual life. I will be peddling on going nowhere fast. Then all of the sudden I'll hear a dog barking. It comes in different forms. A friends rebuke. A challenging situation. An added stress. An unexpected need. Suddenly I find myself needing to peddle harder. To reach up for God's strength. To pour out more. To pray more. To give more. To live fully alive. 

And when the barking fades I look up to see that I'm farther down the road then I thought. The barking gave me the incentive that I needed to carry me forward. So I thank God for the times He's allowed the barking dogs into my life. For the times God gave me the strength and focus to peddle harder. For the times that I get to look up and see I'm farther down the road than I thought. 

His Strength

I sat down on the floor of the darkened room. The children slept peacefully. I had reached on end. The conversation with God went something like this.

"God I can't do any more. I've poured out everything I have on these friends. I'm working and trying to be there for those that need me. I've been fighting in prayer, texting, calling, and pouring out. Now I have nothing left to give. I'm done."

"Daughter, don't give up. Keep loving."

"Lord, I can't. I told You. I have nothing left in my resources. I'm empty. I know that these friends need more from me. Yet I don't have it in me to give them."

"You can't do this in your own strength. Look to Me. I will provide all that you need." 

As I sat there I found He had filled the emptiness with His love and grace. I knew that I could love those that I had been given to love that day. It wasn't in my own strength and power. It was in His. He had filled me to continue doing what He had called me to do. He had given me the love that I needed to pour out onto others. 

It's just another tangible example to me that the power to live this life doesn't come from me. It comes from Him. He is the Source and Giver of all life. He is gracious and will give me all that I need.

Today if you are feeling stretched thin and like you can't go on, reach out for His limitless strength. He longs to be more than you could ever imagine. 

When My Plans Get Wreaked

I feel like the words in this picture describe most of what I've done throughout 2020. I had made plans. I had things wanted to do and set out on an adventure filled year. 

Then I had to cancel so many plans. All of us have. All of us had to deal with disappointments. All of us wish we could have stuck with the original plan.

But that's not what God had in mind. He had a better plan. He knew we needed this. He knew we needed to grow. He knew that for many of us it would be the wake up call we needed. He knew this would be a time to remember what's really important. He knew this was what we needed not what we wanted. 

Do I like having to cancel plans repeatedly? No. Do I like growth pains? No. Am I thankful that God works even in the middle of crazy times and disappointmented plans? You'd better believe it! I'm so thankful that God is sovereign and that He is at work no matter what the world is throwing at us. He is still good and He is actively working in our lives. As one of my favorite Bible teachers Whitney Capps says it like this, "Life is hard. Hard is good. God is best."

If we could only grasp this beautiful reality, what a difference it would make. We could embrace the challenges and canceled plans with joy because we know that God is working out the very best in us. He is overseeing the master plan. He is sovereign and good. 

I know for me it hasn't been easy to cancel so many plans, but the longer that the uncertainty drags on it makes me more and more grateful that God is working even this for the very best. It's hard. Hard is good. Why? Because in the hard we have the opportunity to reach out for the best. The best is God. The best will always be God. 

And that is why we can have joy. Let's embrace this reality a little more fully today shall we? 

My Running List

source

I went to clean up the latest mess and try to contain my frustration. The day was not going well. I mentally added this latest problem to the growing list of things that were going wrong today. I was trying to my best and fight my blah mood, but I felt like nothing was getting me out of the blah. Nothing terrible had happened, just a lot of little things kept going wrong.

I took a deep breath. This was wrong. I was wrong. I shook myself and realized that I had been making the wrong list. 

I sat down. It was time to make another list. I started a list of all the things I was thankful for. A list of the things that are true about God no matter what kind of day I'm having.

By the time I was done my perspective had shifted. My day didn't drastically change. There were still some things that annoyed me, but my heart was better for having made a list of things that I'm grateful for.

No matter what your day throws at you, you have an amazing opportunity to be grateful for what God has given you instead of focusing on the bad. You have the chance to refocus on the good. Is it easy? Sometimes no, but it's always better. Let us always overflow with thankfulness for who He is and all that He has given us. Even on bad days there's so much to thank Him for.

So the next time you're having a rough day and are tempted to start making a list of all the things that are going wrong, stop a minute. Start making a list of all the good things in your life. Remember who God is and what He has rescued you from. Shift your eyes to Him. Your day may not change, but you will. 

29 Random Facts About Me

Its my birthday today. 29 years of God's love and goodness. 

Even though it hasn't been all flowers and rainbows, I'm so thankful for every year. Each year that God has given me has been a gift. Full of adventure, craziness, and life. Every time I look back I can see God's hand working and moving even in the thorny times (many times even more so).

Today is a day of celebration. Here goes 29 random things that you may or may not know about me. 

1. I don't remember the exact day that I was saved. I was so young and for some reason I can't recall the specific day. However I know that when I was very young God called me to be one of His children. He brought me into His kingdom and He keeps growing me and drawing me closer to Himself. 

2. I have a teddy bear collection. 

3. I've gone by many nicknames. Including but not limited to Smurf, Rabbit, elephant, RaRa, Sunshine, and Ruth. 

4. I enjoy bike rides and long walks. 

5. I like pretty much anything chocolate unless it also contains coconut or mint. 

6. My first job was cleaning house for a neighbor. 

7. I drank dog shampoo when I was 3 and lived to tell the tale thanks to my mom.

8. I like flowers. Roses are my favorite (shocker) 

9. I'm not very good at drawing or painting freehand, but if I have lines or a pattern I'm good (coloring pages are my friend). 

10. I've cross stitched my mom a Nativity every year for Christmas for the last 12 years.

11. I enjoy leaving a song every place I go. 

12. I enjoy travel and seeing new places.

13. I've seen the Pacific and Atlantic Oceans.

14. I'm a 7th generation Texan. 

15. I've listened through my Bible so many times I've lost count.

16. I have seen the fingerprints of God on every part of my story. Even in the hard parts. Whether being excited over a new job, dealing with a loss of a relationship, walking in the sunshine with a good friend, crying over a friend walking away from me, playing in the snow, having a heart to heart talk with a mentor, you name it I can look back and see Him there.

17. I like to play board games. 

18. I'm not competitive. I prefer to work as a team. 

19. I have a bag and purse collection. You can never have too many in my opinion. 

20. I have worked on 4ish short films, and 2 feature films, and done promotion for 1 feature film. 

21. I have a large notebook that I use to dream about what I want to become, trips I want to take, or things that I want to accomplish. I call it my dream journal.

22. Never Give Up is one of my favorite sayings. It encourages me on days when I'm feeling down and want to give up on people or projects. 

23. I'm an avid Sight and Sound Theater fan. 

24. I've taken a spiritual retreat every year for the past 4 years. 

25. I have an ever changing favorite song. 

26. I enjoy sending cards and letters to friends. 

27. You can easily surprise me. I'm either gullible or unsuspecting or maybe a mixture of the two. 

28. I enjoy making people laugh. 

29. I'm 29 and so excited to see what God does with this year. Whatever happens I know it's going to be a wonderful crazy adventure. 

Rhythms, Routines, and Normal Life

Normal. Routine. Mundane. This week has been getting back into the swing of normal. After 3 weeks off of work, it was time to get back into the rhythm of set schedule and work. 

Part of me didn't want to go back to normal. I like vacation. I like being able to wake up whenever I want, do whatever, and enjoy a slower pace. 

Vacations are fun and they teach me so much, but I wasn't made to live there. I was made to live in normal life. In the everyday. In the common and mundane moments of life.

When I step back and look at the pieces that make up a normal day, none of them seem exciting at first glance. Yet I'm so thankful for all of the individual normal things that make up a part of my day. An alarm clock that works. Prayer time. Family. A morning commute. A job working with kids. Hugs and smiles. Lunch. An afternoon commute. Music. Texting friends. Bible study. Audiobooks. Eating. Getting ready for bed. Writing in my daily journal. It's all every normal things, but I am so grateful that God is in the middle of my normal life. I don't just get Him on vacation, I get Him in everyday life. I don't have to do something special, I get to have Christ as my constant companion throughout the day. 

He is the One who gives meaning to the mundane. Each day I can wake up with purpose and go about another normal day secure in the knowledge that God is weaving a beautiful tapestry out of the threads of normal. It may feel so small and normal, but placed in His hands it becomes a lovely masterpiece. 

Today I'm so thankful for the normal, mundane, and everyday things that God has giving me. For the opportunity to offer some more threads to the tapestry He is weaving. 

What are some of the normal things that you are thankful for?