One of the things that this pandemic has brought to the light was how much I don't like ambiguity. I like knowing how long a movie is and how long I have until the end. How am I supposed to plan a budget? I want to know when I can go back to work. I want to know when things will happen. I want to know when waiting periods will come to an end. I want to know when I can hug my friends again. It's not that I can't go with the flow or be spontaneous, I just prefer to know when things will happen.
God has been graciously and lovingly bringing this to light in me. He wants me to remember that there will always be things in my life that will be ambiguous. There will be some questions that won't get answers for a while. It's what I do with these areas that matters. I could choose to become angry at God for not giving me more clarity or for withholding an answer. Or I can choose to surrender these areas into His hands. I can bring all my questions to Him and place them in His hands.
When I surrender to Him, I can rest that He knows the greater plan. I can stand in this middle ground between the past and what I don't know and trust Him to lead me forward. It's then that I see the next step. Not all of them, but the one that I need to take. It's as I take that next step that the next becomes clear.
It's in these times that I realize more than before it's not about my questions being answered, its about me taking the next step. It's about God getting the glory even if I can't see the whole picture. Its about continuing to obey when I can't see how it it will end.
No I still don't like ambiguity, but in the middle of it I can trust God. I look for the light and take the step, knowing that He has the plan and will care for all the details. Even the ones that are ambitious to me.
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