1 Year Ago Today

It was a call that I both dreaded and wanted to get. The voice of my fiancé came in very clear over the phone.

“I think that the best thing that we can do is to break off the engagement.” And with those words my last shred of hope that we could save the relationship broke into a thousand pieces. I broke down into tears. He continued talking, but it was hard to hear him over the scream of my pain. 

And you know something? That seems like forever ago. As I write this it has been one year since that conversation. As I look back on the last year it is hard to believe all that God has done. 

Healing hasn’t looked anything like I thought it would. There have been times when I wondered if there would ever be a day when I wouldn’t cry. If I would ever feel whole. If I would ever recover. 

Reconciliation hasn’t been like I thought it would. I made a lot of mistakes. I caused those I love a lot of pain. Full reconciliation took time and work. 

Resuming “normal life” was more difficult. Things like work and chores were harder to focus on with a broken heart. 

But the Gospel shines brighter to me now more then ever. The truth that Christ came down, lived a perfect life, died in the place that I deserved, and rose again victorious over the worst sins in my life has become so precious to me. His love and grace for my worst failure and tenderly healing me every day since has saved me from despair and bitterness. Satan wanted to destroy my soul, but God stepped in and redeemed the situation for His glory. In this scary and hard process God also refined my character to make me more like Him. 

Have I arrived at complete healing yet? No. Sadly there are still things that make me cry, and there are parts of my heart that are tender to the touch. But I praise God that my heart is more tender to His touch. I praise God that He gave me the grace I needed for every moment. I praise God for every person who loved me through everything this last year. I praise God for all that He has done in my life. I praise God that I wasn’t destroyed by bitterness, guilt, shame, hurt, sin, or disappointment. There have been many fierce battles against these and many setbacks, but God has given me the tools to fight them and the strength to endure. I praise God that He has placed me where I need to be to serve Him. 

And I’m so glad that I got my blogging voice back. For years I had been too busy to write on a blog consistently. Then with everything that happened, there was part of me that wanted to share this with all of you right away. But God kept whispering to me that it wasn’t the right time. That I needed to wait. So I did. I waited until He nudged me forward. 

Over the next few months (as God leads) I hope to open up and share with you what God has done for me in the last year. 

I’m still a work in progress. I still have so much to learn. But my hope is that sharing with you will encourage you to live ever more fully for Him. That you will be emboldened to live the life that God has for you. It may be more challenging than you think. But life in Him is always worth the price you pay to get there. So let's go for it, shall we?