The Searching

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A few days ago one of our goats wondered off. We searched and searched with no success.

While I was searching I started thinking. Why does God have to search for us like we are searching for this lost goat? He knows where we are better than we do. He sees all things. Yet in His parables, He told of a Shepherd that searched for His lost sheep. Of a Father watching the horizon for His wayward son. Even all the way back in Genesis God was searching for His two fallen children.

Maybe because in all of these stories and parables God is showing us a bit of His heart. A facet of His love. He could storm into where we are and yank us back to where we should be. He would be within His rights.
But that's not how He's chosen to interact with us. He chooses to be the God who searches us out where we are. He comes to us in the middle of our lostness. When we have lost our identity. When we trampled on boundaries and made ourselves vulnerable. When we cast aside the rules and were left without a compass. The way we wondered left us cold. Yet we kept walking on. Surely there would be warmth and good things just around the next bend. Yet every path, every way, every new thing just led us farther away from God.

But God never gave up on us. He wound His way through the forests that we got lost in. He kept searching until He found us, deep in the darkness of sin. He didn't leave us there. On the cross He gave His life blood for the lost. In that moment He made a way for us to come home. 

Then comes the moment of truth. We have a choice. We can keep making endless painful circles or we can take His hand and go home. Yet we know we are not worthy to go home. We have wondered too far, done too much, ran for too long. But Christ offers us His nail scarred hands to guide us home. He has paid the price. He has covered for our sins. With gratitude we slowly extend our hand in consent. With a smile so big that it lights up the night He takes our hand and begins to walk. 

He forgives us and leads us back home. No condemnation. No guilt trip. Just a loving tender hand that guides us back home. Home where we are met with a celebration. Home where we can rest. Home where fellowship happens. Home where He is. 

Friends, this is our God. The One that pursues us when we are running from Him. The One who died to bring us home. The One who leads us home. 

This is nothing short of a wonder. That God Himself would pursue His rebellious creations. It feels my heart with joy and wonder.

I praise God! The God who pursues me when I am just like a sheep running from Him. He never gives up on me. I praise Him for His love and faithfulness. I praise Him for His tenderness and compassion. Now and forever. 

Christ Is Here!

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This Christmas God has been reminding me of how far His incredible love will go to redeem us. 

He chose the lowest of the low. He came to poor people who were busy just trying to make it through that day. He calmed their fears. He worked even through their trembling. He empowered them to play their part. He protected them and lead them.

This gives me great comfort for today. As I face fears, temptations, and struggles I am comforted that God will be with me too. He is alive! He conquered death itself. There is nothing He can't do. 

He can come into the middle of my day filled with business and a million things that threatened to pull me away from God. Just as He did for Mary, Joseph, and so many others He calms my fears. He gives me my mission. He empowers me every step of the way. 

This Christmas I encourage you to remember that God is alive. His love is so great that it has spanned before time began, went to a bloody cross, rose again, and today lives inside of all who believe in His name. This is a precious and costly gift. Let us always give thanks to the Giver. 

I'm Grateful For Christmas Lights

This Christmas has been a wonderful time for reflection and enjoying the good gifts that God has given. 

It's so easy for me to get focused on what I wish I had. Especially at this time of year when there's so many reminders of my single status. I can't tell you how many times I've done things and wished I had a guy to share it with. Or how many times I've seen a happy couple hand in hand strolling along and my heart aches. 

Last night I went to see some Christmas lights with my family. Usually this is the time I start wishing, but last night I didn't. I was grateful. Grateful for a Lover who always walks besides me. Grateful for the eternal hope and light He offers. Grateful for the family that I have to walk with. Grateful that I get to have this time with them. Grateful for fun Christmas light displays. Grateful for God's care.

I praise God that I came home with a light heart. I came home happy in Him. I praise God for the work He is doing in me.

I pray that this Christmas you can reflect on the many good and gracious gifts you have been given. I guarantee you it's a longer list than what you lack. 

A Prayer

God of all eternity, Lord of my heart, Lover of my soul,

I come to You now. 

I need You more than ever.

I want Your presence to come in and fill me. 

My heart is heavy God. 

It is durdened down with cares and disappointments. 

It has been battered by the struggle within and differed hope.

It is tired of hoping for dreams to come true. 

It is weary of continuing on. 

Lord, I come to You. 

I need You to remake this heart. 

I need You to break through the walls of unbelief. 

I need You to fight my doubt of You. 

I need You to remind me of who You are. 

I need You to renew my heart.

I need You to save me from temptation. 

Lord, I look to You. 

In You alone I find hope. 

In You alone I find deliverance. 

In You alone I can be redeemed. 

In You alone I find rest. 

In You alone I know who I was meant to be. 

Come, Lord Jesus.

Come into this fickle wondering heart. 

Come make it evermore Yours. 

Come change to be like Yours. 

Come be my King and Lover forever.

In the name of the One who loved me and gave Himself up for me, amen. 

I Didn't Expect This

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In many ways this last month has brought me to my knees. I've been beaten down by a host of circumstances. I've come before God and asked for wisdom. I've pleaded for guidance. He gave it to me. 

At the beginning of the year I asked Him what my goals should be. He said that I should surrender my expectations and expect great things from Him. 

I thought I knew at the beginning of the year how things would go. What would happen.
Through many different circumstances this year, God has systematically caused me to realize how many expectations I had formed. I expected to be married by now. I expected that I would be able to stay at my job for longer than I did. I expected that friendships would be farther along than they are. I expected that I would be more mature than I am. I expected that I would be able to start volunteering at a hospital again. I expected that I wouldn't be struggling with as many run away emotions as I do. I expected that more of my dreams from my dream book would have happened by now.
All of these disappointed expectations have been hitting me hard lately. I've cried so many tears over the space between what I wish was and what is. I cry out to God over the dreams that feel so far away.
As I have come to Him with tears and heartache, He has reminded me of the second part of what He wanted for me this year. He wanted me to start expecting great things from Him. He has been inviting me to dream about how He can empower me in the present and how He work in my future. He can do more than I can imagine. He can make all my dreams come true or He can use my disappointment to lead me closer to Him. More and more I am seeing that it is when I am brought to my knees in disappointment and discouragement is when God becomes more precious. He becomes my greatest treasure. He becomes my best goal. He becomes all that I need. He becomes my rest. He becomes everything to me.
Does it still hurt? Yes, but I have a better vision of what He is doing. My expectations are beginning to shift. They are being transferred onto the One who will never disappoint me. Hope placed in Him is never in vain. I expect that He will empower me to love audaciously. I expect that He will satisfy my deepest longings and desires in Him. I expect that He will fill my days with meaningful work and enjoyable times. I expect Him to do more than I can imagine. I expect that He can hold me in the pain and in the happiness. I expect that He will take care of me. This is my hope. This is my expectation. This is what my God is able to do.
I also expect to struggle with feelings of disappointment. I'm not perfect yet. Yet I know that in the middle of all of it God will help me. He will comfort me. He will cause my eyes to turn upward.
For now I'm so grateful that He is still at work in my life. He keeps exposing areas that need to be brought into conformity with Christ. That is cause for celebration and thanksgiving.
    

My Dad's Work Legacy

This is my dad. He retires today. 

Even before I was born he was working to support our family. Throughout the years he has always been there working hard, doing whatever was needed to provide for us. 

Through all the ups and downs that his jobs have thrown at him I never can recall a time when he complained. He chose through the years to focus on the good and keep pressing ahead. 

My dad didn't work a glamorous or high playing job, but he did his work diligently. Even when he was unemployed for two years, he worked odd jobs to provide for us. He looks to God as our ultimate provider. He always pointed us back to God. 

I thank God for a father who chose to be faithful in his work. He chose to love his family more than having nice things for himself. 

I love you Dad. I can't wait to see how God is going to use this season of your life for his glory and your good. 

Tell Me I'm Okay

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I desperately wanted her to include me in the wedding planning. 

I had just come back to work after my engagement had been broken off. Several ladies at work were preparing to get married. It wasn't like we were good friends, but I really wanted to help. 

For some reason I thought that if they included me in their wedding planning that it would prove that I was okay. It would prove that I wasn't messed up. 

In reality, I was a wreak. I was a very messed up and broken person. I was reeling from the breakup and trying to survive the waves of emotion.

Looking back now I see one thing very clearly. Their inclusion of me would not have fixed what was really wrong with me. I needed God's healing and validation more than I needed someone else to tell me that I was okay. I praise God that He never stopped working. He day by day, moment by moment, tear by tear, worked healing. He reminded me of who I was in Him. He reminded me that He is all I need. 

It's easy for me to think that I need someone to tell me that I'm okay. To ask the opinion of others, or family, instead of going to the God who made me. But ultimately His opinion is the only one that matters. He has already determined my worth on the cross. He has already redeemed my life through His resurrection. He walks with me and validates me. I don't need to seek validation from others. I can seek God in my time of need. I can be raw, honest, and vulnerable. He knows me and will work out His best in me. 

All of this is easier said than done many times. But let's do this together shall we? Instead of going to others let us go to God. Let us trust His love and gain our validation from Him. Ultimately no one else's opinion matters.