My Pandemic Story

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When I got off work two and a half months ago I had no idea what awaited me. 

I was looking forward to Spring Break and getting a jump start on Simple Seminary. Sure their was concerns abouit this Coronavirus thing, but it would be no big deal right? I had no idea. 

Looking back I can see God's faithfulness. Even when I've had to shred so many plans, or dealt with disappointment, or missed friends, and found it disconcerting how many of my normal routines have been taken away. 

But in the middle of all of this I have found God's hand at work. I've seen growth in Christ that I thought would take years. I've seen God provide for all my needs plus many of my wants. I've been able to spend hours upon hours with God and in Bible study. I've been able to finish projects that I thought would take much longer. I've been blown away by God's goodness and how He is working all things for the very best. It's clarified what's most important.

Monday I go back to work. This time will be done, but I pray that the lessons that God has taught me during this time will carry over into the next season. I pray that I can continue unhurried time with God. I pray that I can continue to do what's important not urgent. I pray that I can continue to spend time with my family and make them feel loved. The big praise in that arena is that the God of today is the same God who will be there tomorrow and Monday. I can trust His hand. He has been and will continue to be faithful.

So as I close this chapter and start another, I'm so grateful for God's hand on my life. I'm so thankful for His sustaining grace. I'm so thankful for the growth He's allowed. I'm so thankful for the family that has walked by my side. I'm so thankful for friendships. I'm so thankful for the Bible study that I've done. I'm so thankful for projects done. And I'm even thankful for Zoom. 

As things go back to a new normal, what's on your thankfulness list? I'd enjoy hearing about them in the comments section. 

The Power To Overcome

Lately I have been fighting. It's been a silent war raging in my mind. It's the battle of the past. Particularly memories from 2017. I see a scene that I had a part in play out. I hear a part of a conversation. I am back there in the phone conversation or reading the text. I'm replaying conversations that I can't take back.
I don't know why in the last few weeks these playbacks have become more frequent. I know that this time of year three years ago I was in the thick of a lot of things that make me cringe today. What I have learned from the past is that to let these thoughts run wild is a dangerous thing. Once they start invading they take over and eat the joy of the what God is doing today. They come in and beat me down for the things I can't take back.
In these times I have a choice. That in of itself is an evidence that The Spirit is at work. Those who do not have The Spirit of God living in them don't have a choice at all. They are enslaved to whatever passion or sin comes their way. They think they are free, but they cannot say no to this destructive power. I digress.
I have a choice. I can either give my mind over to these memories. Get entangled in them, dragged down, and beat down by them. Or I can choice to give my mind over to God. I can choose to pray and seek His help.
In these moments its critical to call out to the One who is stronger than my memories. The One who is stronger than my past. The One who is greater than my fears. The One who conquered them with His blood. The One who rose victorious over every power. The One who is exalted and holy. The One who is with me even as I fight these thoughts.
In these moments I must look to His strength to fight this battle. In these moments I must remember what He has done. He shed His own blood for those moments. And having canceled the written code that stood against me He made a public spectacle of them. Triumphing over them by the cross. Therefore God has highly exalted Christ and given Him the name that is above every name. That at the name of Jesus every knee will bow in heaven and on earth and under the earth. And every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord to the glory and praise of God the Father.
This is the God I serve. Why in these moments of struggle would I try to muscle through it on my own? Oh I have those moments too, but they never bring victory. Left to myself I fail every single time.
But praise be to God who raises the dead I don't have to live there. I can, by The Holy Spirit living inside me, overcome. I can look to Christ and bring these thoughts captive. I can remember that God remembers them no more. I remember that they are stained red with the blood of my Savior. I can remember that the power to overcome comes from the Spirit inside me. This is is how I can fight the memories. This is how I can overcome. Not by my power, but by The Spirit within me. 

The Things I Took For Granted

There are a lot of things that I took for granted before quarantine. I want to share the list with you and challenge you to write your own list. These things that aren't necessary for life, but I enjoy them.

I encourage you to take a few moments today and remember that we are surrounded by so many good things. Let us not forget to thank God for them. 

Going into a store without a mask. 

Being able to find every food item I wanted in the store. 

Being able to give hugs. 

Going to work. 

Being able to hug little kids. 

Sitting down in a restaurant. 

Hobby Lobby. 

Getting thread from Walmart. 

Being able to meet in person. 

Going to a Church building. 

Having a normal routine. 

A family that is always there for me. 

A God who is always there when I slow down enough to hear His voice. 

A grace that always sustains me. 

An amazing life with Jesus. 

This isn't an exhaustive list, but I am so thankful for what God has shown me through this pandemic. It hasn't been easy, but it has been good. I can see God growing me and I'm happy about that. 

When My Plans Change

A week ago I found out that the missions trip that I planned to go on was canceled for this year. 

At first I was sad. This was going to be an opportunity to serve God and get out of my comfort zone. It was taken away. I went to God. It was then that He gave me a peace built on this truth: even in your worst disappointment, God is working out a better plan. When my plans crash and burn and I'm sorting through wreakege He is working to create the best plan. He will always give you more than you lost. 

So as I worked to pick through the pieces and deal with my own disappointment, there was a hope that I couldn't shake. It was a hope in God. A hope that He knew this was going to happen and planned the best way to move forward, but it will be exactly what God wants. He will infuse me with His love and strengthen me to do whatever He has called me to do. That is the promise I can bank even in these uncertain times. 

I praise God that He is the Master Planner, The King over all, the Lord over creation, the all-knowing God. He reigns and will accomplish His work. I can rest in that. I can continue in what I know to do and entrust the rest to His matchless care. 

For Those Who Have Wondered

For all of those who have wondered, 

Did I make too many mistakes for God to forgive?

I should have known better yet I walked down the foolish path. 

Did I wander too far for God's grace to find me? 

Will the night never end? 

Will the tears of shame and regret always flow? 

Did I disqualify myself from finding love again? 

Are there to be no more dreams for me? 

Am I doomed to disappointment for past sins? 

Is it always going to be this way? 

Will I always carry this ache?

Yes I've asked these questions. I've fought and wrestled with them a lot in the last three years. If you have too, then these answers are for you. 

Dear friend, you are loved. 

God knows you. 

He loves you. 

He still has amazing plans for you. 

His blood is greater than your past. 

His love is greater than your shame. 

His life is all-encompassing.

Choose to believe this. 

Choose to repent. 

Choose to let this truth seep in. 

Choose to be changed by Him. 

Choose to trust His hand. 

Choose to let Him guide you. 

Choose to enjoy where He has you. 

Choose to accept the forgiveness and love He offers you. 

You haven't been disqualified. 

You haven't been cast out. 

You are being refined. 

You are being tested. 

You are being made new. 

Press on. 

Press ahead. 

Don't give up. 

Ambiguity

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One of the things that this pandemic has brought to the light was how much I don't like ambiguity.  I like knowing how long a movie is and how long I have until the end. How am I supposed to plan a budget? I want to know when I can go back to work. I want to know when things will happen. I want to know when waiting periods will come to an end. I want to know when I can hug my friends again. It's not that I can't go with the flow or be spontaneous, I just prefer to know when things will happen. 

God has been graciously and lovingly bringing this to light in me. He wants me to remember that there will always be things in my life that will be ambiguous. There will be some questions that won't get answers for a while. It's what I do with these areas that matters. I could choose to become angry at God for not giving me more clarity or for withholding an answer. Or I can choose to surrender these areas into His hands. I can bring all my questions to Him and place them in His hands. 

When I surrender to Him, I can rest that He knows the greater plan. I can stand in this middle ground between the past and what I don't know and trust Him to lead me forward. It's then that I see the next step. Not all of them, but the one that I need to take. It's as I take that next step that the next becomes clear.

It's in these times that I realize more than before it's not about my questions being answered, its about me taking the next step. It's about God getting the glory even if I can't see the whole picture. Its about continuing to obey when I can't see how it it will end. 

No I still don't like ambiguity, but in the middle of it I can trust God. I look for the light and take the step, knowing that He has the plan and will care for all the details. Even the ones that are ambitious to me.