I Hope I Keep Getting Headaches

Recently I've been doing a lot of Bible study. I've been able to have time to study through Simple Seminary and take some Ellerslie online courses as well as read some solid Christian books.

Its been blowing my mind. The concepts and how big our God is give me a headache. I reach a point in my study where I come to the end of my knowledge. My brain is being stretched. My heart is full. So many times I've ended up worshipping God. Then there are the times when I'm listening and have to stop. I feel like my brain is exploding from so much good teaching that it can't fit one more thought in. I stop and worship God where my knowledge comes to an end.

Honestly I hope I keep having these moments throughout my life. Times when I just have to stop and worship the God I can't fully understand (Praise God that I can't). Times when I feel so full of good teaching that I feel like I can't take one more bite. Times when I get headaches from thinking about how amazing God is. 

I'm so thankful that God created us with a capacity to understand and study. Yet we reach a point where knowledge bows the knee in awed worship. 

Let us press ahead in study, not for knowledge sake, but to lead us into worship and relationship with God. He longs for relationship, let us press into it. It's worth the headaches. 

A Hope Surrendered

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I have held onto a hope for a long time. 

A hope of marriage.

A hope that one day a guy would look lovingly into my eyes and cherish me forever.

A hope of a happy home with children.

For years this hope has been deferred. 

For years my heart has been sick.

Recently I listened to what Darlene Diebler Rose did with a hope deferred.

She had a dream of living life with her husband after the war. 

She prayed and asked God for it to happen. 

Instead she received news that her beloved husband had died. 

She cried. 

She prayed. 

And then she surrendered her deferred hope to God. 

It's easy in many ways to surrender to God a fulfilled hope.

When all is smiles and joy, it is easy to gladly give Him the hope we treasure. 

But what do we do with deferred hope?

Hope that seems impossible.

Hope that is making your heart sick.

Hope that leaves a hole in your soul. 

I bring it to God.

I offer it up to Him.

I withhold nothing from the Savior who withholds no good thing from me.

I entrust this hope into His hands.

And in that moment He comes and fills my heart.

He comes and comforts me. 

He heals what has been sick. 

He fills the void. 

Christ is worthy of hopes fulfilled and those that are deferred. 

He is worthy of all.

Let me always surrender all into His hands.

The Vast God

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God is vast.

He fills the whole world. 

He is present everywhere. 

This is a truth too wonderful for me to wrap my mind around and for that I praise God. 

The fact that He is too much for me to wrap my head around is comforting.

Because I can't understand God completely I can be happy that He is greater than me. 

I can rest that He is enough in everything.

I can know that He is greater than everything that comes at me. 

Today ponder the vastness of God. 

Soak in the beautiful reality that He is too amazing for you to figure out. 

Revel in the fact that He fills the entire universe. 

Let your mind be blown by Him. 

16 Years

I got to watch the sun rise this morning. Today I celebrate being 16 years old in Christ.

As I look back on those years I'm incredibly thankful. At 12 Christ called me to be His own. At 13 or 14 He gave me my calling to be an encourager. Throughout the years He has been growing my faith and maturing me. Even though I went through a time of doubts He kept pursuing me. Through all my stumblings, epiphanies, sins, prayers, and seeking, He has continually drawn me. Even 3 years ago when I was running hard after my own selfish ends, He was there. I felt His hand of conviction. I saw His sustaining grace in the fallout. In the remaking He drew me to Himself. Even in the disappointments of last fall, God remained faithful and good.

Now as I sit here watching the world fill with light, I'm so thankful for who God is and all that He has done. In every moment He has been so good. He has been who He always is. The gracious and compassionate God. Slow to anger. Abounding in love to a thousand generations.

This God has had His hand on my life. I can see His fingerprints everywhere. His breath is in my lungs. His life fills me by the power of Jesus Christ.

Oh praise to God Most High. He rules and reigns forever and ever.

Lord, be exalted in my life. Let everything within me honor and desire You. Amen. 

Where I'm At

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Sometimes you have to start with where you are.
Sometimes you have to stop making excuses.
Sometimes you have to simply own up to the facts.
Sometimes you need to own where you are.
Why?
So that you can get to where you need to be.
So you can move past what is slowing you down.
So that you can remember how you got here.
So that you can be reminded whos you are.
You are in Christ.
You are chosen.
You are redeemed.
You have purpose.
You have so many reasons to walk forward.
If today you are struggling with where you are.
If today you want to change.
If today you can't see a way from where you are to where you want to be, there is hope.
There is hope for a better tomorrow.
There is a better place.
There is a life beyond words waiting to be unwrapped.
Come to God.
Start with where you are.
Let Him unfold the path to where you want to be.

My Pandemic Story

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When I got off work two and a half months ago I had no idea what awaited me. 

I was looking forward to Spring Break and getting a jump start on Simple Seminary. Sure their was concerns abouit this Coronavirus thing, but it would be no big deal right? I had no idea. 

Looking back I can see God's faithfulness. Even when I've had to shred so many plans, or dealt with disappointment, or missed friends, and found it disconcerting how many of my normal routines have been taken away. 

But in the middle of all of this I have found God's hand at work. I've seen growth in Christ that I thought would take years. I've seen God provide for all my needs plus many of my wants. I've been able to spend hours upon hours with God and in Bible study. I've been able to finish projects that I thought would take much longer. I've been blown away by God's goodness and how He is working all things for the very best. It's clarified what's most important.

Monday I go back to work. This time will be done, but I pray that the lessons that God has taught me during this time will carry over into the next season. I pray that I can continue unhurried time with God. I pray that I can continue to do what's important not urgent. I pray that I can continue to spend time with my family and make them feel loved. The big praise in that arena is that the God of today is the same God who will be there tomorrow and Monday. I can trust His hand. He has been and will continue to be faithful.

So as I close this chapter and start another, I'm so grateful for God's hand on my life. I'm so thankful for His sustaining grace. I'm so thankful for the growth He's allowed. I'm so thankful for the family that has walked by my side. I'm so thankful for friendships. I'm so thankful for the Bible study that I've done. I'm so thankful for projects done. And I'm even thankful for Zoom. 

As things go back to a new normal, what's on your thankfulness list? I'd enjoy hearing about them in the comments section. 

The Power To Overcome

Lately I have been fighting. It's been a silent war raging in my mind. It's the battle of the past. Particularly memories from 2017. I see a scene that I had a part in play out. I hear a part of a conversation. I am back there in the phone conversation or reading the text. I'm replaying conversations that I can't take back.
I don't know why in the last few weeks these playbacks have become more frequent. I know that this time of year three years ago I was in the thick of a lot of things that make me cringe today. What I have learned from the past is that to let these thoughts run wild is a dangerous thing. Once they start invading they take over and eat the joy of the what God is doing today. They come in and beat me down for the things I can't take back.
In these times I have a choice. That in of itself is an evidence that The Spirit is at work. Those who do not have The Spirit of God living in them don't have a choice at all. They are enslaved to whatever passion or sin comes their way. They think they are free, but they cannot say no to this destructive power. I digress.
I have a choice. I can either give my mind over to these memories. Get entangled in them, dragged down, and beat down by them. Or I can choice to give my mind over to God. I can choose to pray and seek His help.
In these moments its critical to call out to the One who is stronger than my memories. The One who is stronger than my past. The One who is greater than my fears. The One who conquered them with His blood. The One who rose victorious over every power. The One who is exalted and holy. The One who is with me even as I fight these thoughts.
In these moments I must look to His strength to fight this battle. In these moments I must remember what He has done. He shed His own blood for those moments. And having canceled the written code that stood against me He made a public spectacle of them. Triumphing over them by the cross. Therefore God has highly exalted Christ and given Him the name that is above every name. That at the name of Jesus every knee will bow in heaven and on earth and under the earth. And every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord to the glory and praise of God the Father.
This is the God I serve. Why in these moments of struggle would I try to muscle through it on my own? Oh I have those moments too, but they never bring victory. Left to myself I fail every single time.
But praise be to God who raises the dead I don't have to live there. I can, by The Holy Spirit living inside me, overcome. I can look to Christ and bring these thoughts captive. I can remember that God remembers them no more. I remember that they are stained red with the blood of my Savior. I can remember that the power to overcome comes from the Spirit inside me. This is is how I can fight the memories. This is how I can overcome. Not by my power, but by The Spirit within me.