Don't Give Up

Recently I've been struggling with discouragement. Nothing huge has happened. Nothing terrible. But I have been fighting more discouragement than normal about the way my life is turning out.
Honestly I know I have a great life. Good God, good family, good friends, good place to call home, and so much more. Still it's not where I thought I would be.
I thought I would be married and raising kids by now. With a house of my own and my own ice blue and yellow kitchen (I love my mixer in this color).
Right now that is still a dream and some unexpected problems came up. Hormones seemed out of control. It seemed like so many things were chipping away at my confidence in God's plan. So many things (little annoyances) were making me want to give up. Making me want to pull back. Making me want to stop trying. Making want to stop fighting the war against sin. Making me want to focus more on me and my wants and desires than on God's plan. 

God always knows what you need. He provided me with two things that have helped greatly. One was that our church has been going through the book of Philippians. Talk about perspective. It has been full of reminders that Christ is worthy. That this life is just a foretaste of things to come. Christ is still at work. He is worth pressing ahead for. The other big one was Kyle Idlemans book Don't Give Up. It reminded me that I need to keep pressing ahead. I need to fight the good fight. I need to keep my eyes on Christ. I need to not check out. I need to keep doing what is right. 

Honestly some days I feel like I'm army crawling through mud with barbed wire overhead on a hot Texas day. It's been tempting to stop, put my face down in the mud and just feel sorry for myself. I'm tired. I don't want to fight one more battle. I don't want to have to ride this emotional wave. Why can't I have that relationship? Why do I struggle so much?   
It's then that I start hearing voices. Loved ones encouraging me to keep fighting. Friends reminding me of the truth. Best of all in front of me is Christ. Nail-scarred hands encourage me forward. He keeps reminding me that He's got me in the middle of it all. I'm never alone. I can keep pressing on.
By God's grace, I can keep going. Sometimes I'm able to walk tall smelling the roses and enjoy the sunshine. Other times I'm back on my stomach crawling through another battle. But I am still here. I'm still running. I haven't given up. I know the One who calls me is faithful. He will enable me to keep running the race for His glory.
Have you ever had a time when discouragement was eating away at your confidence? What helped you to not give up?

Celebrate!

Resurrection Sunday is coming! I'm looking forward to it. This weekend I get to celebrate some timeless truths.

Christ is Risen!

Evil no longer has the final word.

Christ reigns over all.

Christ is stronger.

Christ is matchless.

Christ is enough.

Christ is victorious.

Christ is beautiful.

Christ is more than words can say.

Christ is good and He is good to me.

I have a place in God's heart.

There is a purpose in pain.

There is hope.

There is redemption.

There is life beyond what I can express.

There is grace.

There is forgiveness.

There is peace.

There is a place where we will live forever.

There is life that I can share with others.

Today take some time and celebrate Christ and the life that He has given to you.

Define Good

When is God good?

When is He good to me?

Is He only good when I get a guy?

Is He only good when life is going my way?

Is He only good when I get the raise?

Is He only good when traffic is easy?

Is He only good when my family and I are getting along?

Is He only good when I said the right thing in small group?

Is He only good when I get what I want?

What if we started defining good by God's terms instead of ours?

Isn't He still good when I'm sitting at yet another friends wedding?

Isn't He still good when I'm desiring something that I can't have right now?

Isn't He still good when I am scrolling through Facebook and a friend's newborn baby pictures?

Isn't He still good when I have tears streaming down my cheeks?

Isn't He still good on that hard commute?

Isn't He still good when I am feeling down?

Isn't He still good when I had a bad day at work?

What if I started in all these things I defined good by who God is, not by my circumstances or relationship status? Things change, but God never does. He is still all-powerful. He is still sovereign. He is still faithful. He is still loving. He is still kind. He is still good. His purposes for me have not changed. He is working for His glory and my good. It may not always feel good, but because God is good He has chosen to work inside me to work good in me.

Where Frustration Should Lead

Lately I have been frustrated. I've had questions. And so much of it is tied to desires. Desires for good things.
I wanted to volunteer at a hospital again. I put in an application. I prayed. I wanted to hold babies again. But I'm having to wait.
I wanted to be on the worship team at church. I wanted to be on stage lending my voice to lead people to God. There wasn't space. I ended up on the media team. In the background. It wasn't a thankless job, but my heart still longed for the stage.
I longed to be an inspirational blogger. To say things that make people think. To be shared. To be noticed. To have lots of comments. Sometimes people do and sometimes people don't. Sometimes it feels like wasted energy.
I have for a long time wanted to be married. To have one that I could love. I long for that attention and for a companion to walk alongside me. Still the singleness persists.
What is God doing in all of this? Is He trying to frustrate me? What is His purpose?
Maybe in all of these disappiontments are meant to point to Christ. Maybe they remind me Who the world really revolves around. The One who holds all things in His hands. The One who is working even in (sometimes especially in) the middle of pain for my good and His glory. Maybe in all of this was meant to show me that there is only One that truly satisfies. There is only One that truly fulfills.
My desires and how they get met is meant to bring honor to God. It is meant to showcase His love and care. It is meant to be His masterpiece of grace. It is all about Him. These desires are meant to propell me to the One who alone can satisfy the deepest cravings of my heart.
Maybe instead of trying to turn the spotlight on me and my desires, I should run to Him. In the middle of all my selfishness and self focus. In the middle of joy and laughter. In the middle of hurt and frustration. In the middle of it all I should cast myself on His mercy. I should remind myself of His worthiness. I should surrender to His touch. I should let Him reshape my desires. I should remember who is really the central focus.
Is this easy? No. Is it worth it? Yes!
Take some time right now. Wherever you are take a moment and let Him in. Remember His worthiness and let Him reshape your desires. He is a good and gracious God. He will do even more than you can imagine. Just let Him in.

Hope Is Real

Last night I went to Winter Jam. It was so much fun. Jamming out with Mandisa and Danny Gokey was so encouraging. 

I realized how far I've come. Two years ago I was in a relationship and looking more to my own interests than those of Christ or anyone else. Through a shattering of my will, He brought me into a better place. 

But breaking hurts. It's not fun or easy. It wasn't for me. I remember so many time wondering if I would ever be able to not cry when memories came up. I wondered if I would ever feel whole again. I wondered if would be able to go to a wedding without having a pity party. I wondered if I would ever feel truly alive and happy again with no pain or regret. I wondered if I would always feel broken, empty, and full of pain. I knew (and still know) that God was working, but my life seemed to be marked by my brokenness and pain. 

It didn't happen all at once, but over the last year God has done something amazing. He has changed my heart and healed me. He changed my hurt into hope. He transformed my heart. He replaced guilt with grace. He filled the emptiness with His love. Now my life is marked by His love and grace. 

Last night I realized how much He has changed inside me. I went to a wedding and was truly happy for the couple. I feel His presence more. I hear Him more. I see Him at work in so many areas. He's giving me joy and hope. 

There are still times when I struggle and cry. There are still times I fall into old sins and need to repent. I'm human. But He has brought the me so far. 

Now I am more sure than ever that the night isn't forever. The comeback is real. Our hope is sure. Grace is greater. Joy comes in the morning.

No matter where you are or what you are going through, God is with you. He is still working in you. He is writing a better ending. 

Let's take some time today and praise Him for what He has done, is doing, and will do. Let's praise God that He never leaves us. Let's praise Him for the better ending He is writing. 

Fun side story: the flowers pictured above were delivered to my house on the 13th of February. The note that came with it said, a reminder to find beauty in where you are, a Daughter of God, and the blessings that He gives you everyday! 

Talk about encouraging! They were such a tangible reminder of Gods love. I don't even know who sent them, but they blessed me more than I can say.

Choosing to Celebrate

Honestly.... last week I was tossing in my bed worrying. I realized that Valentines Day was coming up. And what was I going to do? I was worried about how I would handle the 14th. It seemed like so much was reminding me of what I wish was mine. I didn't want it to become a pity party, but I felt like I was heading there.
But then a friend sent me a link to this article. https://www.incourage.me/2019/02/i-dare-you-buy-the-flowers.html.
It gave me pause. Hearing someone else confirm that the pain is real, but there's also joy in this season.
It occurred to me that I had a choice.
I could read everyone's Facebook posts and have a pity party, or I could celebrate what God is doing here and now. I could celebrate the love He has given me. I could celebrate the good gifts He has given me. I could switch the focus back where it belongs. I can focus on the Perfect and Holy One. The One who is my Redeemer. The One who is my life and love. That is worth a celebration.
Will you join me? Celebrate what God is doing in your life. Shout it out. Celebrate His love and faithfulness. Enjoy His gifts. Revel in His care. Let's do this!

Bringing It To Him

Last fall I was very restless. I couldn't escape the feeling of wanting to do something different. I wanted to take on a new adventure. 

The thing was no matter how hard I tried, no new adventure came. No new doors opened. Monthes passed and still nothing. I was getting very frustrated. One day I went out walking and talking to God. I told Him I was frustrated with life. I told Him I had tried everything, but this restless feeling persisted. When I finished and started listening He spoke. He told me that I would rather take on a new adventure than stay and deal with pain of still being single. Ouch! That one hurt to hear. 

Honestly I didn't want to deal with the pain of being single. The pain of unfulfilled longing. Anytime it came to the surface, I had surpressed it. I thought it was wrong to want anything else besides God. So when the longing for marriage would come up, I would feel guilty because I wasn't desiring God. I would try to shove it down. The thing was I did (and still do) desire a Godly marriage. And trying to deal with the pain of disappointment and honest desire was scary. My approach of acting like it wasn't there wasn't working. 

So I went to a Godly woman in our church and asked for counsel. She didn't deny my desire or my pain. She encouraged me instead to take it to Christ. Instead of feeling guilty and running from Christ, to take my pain to Christ. 

This was a game changer for me. I started coming to Christ with my pain and disappointment. I started bringing Him my longing and desire. He is such a good God. When I come to Him with tears for what I long to have, He comforts me. He reminds me that I am not alone. He reminds me of who I am in Him. He reminds me that He too lived through singleness and longing to be united to His bride. He reminds me of His faithfulness. He reminds me of His love. He reminds me of the mission for here and now. 

I'm still in the learning process. I'm still learning to bring Him all the feelings of longing and disappiontment. I'm still learning to receive the comfort and peace He freely gives. But He is so tender and patient. He keeps loving me and working through all of it. 

Whatever you are going through, bring it to God. You may not know how to deal with it, but He does. He knows what you need. He will be the best comfort and encouragement you will ever know.