It seemed like almost every woman I knew had a story that went something like this. "I kept chasing and wanting guys. All I wanted was to be married. Then one day I gave up. I surrendered my dreams to God. And then the next week THE GUY came into my life."
The story varied some, but the key theme was the same. The day after surrender happened, the right guy appeared. I would hear stories and think, I must not have really surrendered that desire because I haven't found the right guy.
There were so many times when I "surrendered" that desire. So many times of thinking that this time I'd really done it. Still no guy appeared.
This led to me thinking that if I wanted it, God wouldn't give that to me. So I would try to figure out how to stop desiring it. Start desiring the right things. My reasoning was is that if God saw that I wanted Him first, that He would give me a guy.
The problem was I just wanted a guy. It became my obsession. It became my idol. Oh, I would tell you that God was my first desire, but deep down my greatest desire was to have a guy. My actions and life bore witness to that fact. My fists were clinched. My desire firmly in my grasp.
Then came the night that my parents lovingly confronted me about where my focus was. They pointed out that it wasn't on God, but on my idol of marriage. I was hurt. That night I stayed up late and talked to God. That night I finally surrendered my dream to Him. That night I started to dream of a future where He was the main focus. My hands opened to Him.
Literally 5 days later I was asked out on a date. I was so happy. Oh, how quickly we forget our promises when we think we can meet our desire. I reverted back to my old idol. I grabbed my desire for marriage and held it with a vice grip. Instead of surrendering the relationship to God, I sought to gratify my desires.
It was at this moment that my All-Wise God did the most loving thing He could, but at the time it felt so hard. He broke my hands. He shattered my grip. In the process of breaking my life broke too.
But God is so good. Day by day He put me back together. He healed my hands to praise Him. He remade the mangled mess. He breathed new life into me.
In the process He taught me what surrender looks like. It's not a one time deal that you make with God. It's hands open and turned up toward Him. It's when you see desires, dreams, plans, everything as His not yours.
Ouch! That's a hard one for me. Even now there are things that I have in my hands that I have to bring before Him. Things that I grab onto that I need to give back to Him. Sometimes it takes work to pry my fingers off.
But with surrender there is great freedom. It takes the burden of control off of you and transfers it to the only One who can carry it. Now you are free to worship God and love those around you without needing to clinch them. You can dream and plan without fear because you know that He ultimately is in control. You can work diligently and serve faithfully because you know that this job is a gift from God.
Today what do you have in your fist? Job? Money? Dream? Desire? A Person?
What would you need to do to take one finger off? I challenge you to do it. Do one thing today that will pry a finger off of that thing. It may not be easy, but it will be a start.
But why should we? What makes it worth it? Being able to lift two free hands to our Beloved and say "All that I am is Yours. Not my will, but Yours be done." It is beautiful music to His ears.
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