Truth and Lies

Recently I've been reading a book on womanhood and femininity. While the book has been good in some areas, personally I felt like it missed the mark.
Honestly I don't remember ever struggling with Biblical womanhood. I grew up in a home that valued being a woman and serving God. I realize now how rare this is and am so thankful for the home I have. I have been totally on board with God's veiw of femininity.
Women are called to be keepers at home. Amen!
Women should be good helpers to their husband's. Absolutely!
Women should be submissive. Yes!
Women should be busy, diligent, and hard working for the glory of God and the good of others. Totally.
What I realized is that while I knew all of these truths I got on the wrong track to fulfilling them. I thought my single years were a holding tank where I was waiting for marriage. All of my life was to become focused on preparing for marriage and keeping a home. Every day I was holding my breath waiting for the guy to come along. My life was focused on my marriage dream not on God.
Slowly this messed up perspective ate away my trust in God and joy. I became bitter and self-centered. Marriage became my idol.
Praise God He chooses to work in our lives even when we believe lies. Especially in the last two years He has been remaking my heart to be more like His. He has remained me of the truth. Here's some of what I have learned.
1. I am here to bring Him glory. Everything I do or say is (or should be) to bring Him glory. My life is not my own, it is His.
2. I have a mission. God gave me a mission to love and encourage the Church. That started a long time ago. It doesn't start the moment I get married, it has already begun.
3. I am not in control. My future and anything it might hold has been given into God's hands. Although there are times when I struggle greatly with this reality, it is true. The best thing I can do is pry my hands off my illusion of control and give it to God. I can trust the God of all time with my future.
4. I have been given so much right now. As I look around I see how much God has given me. There is so much to be grateful for.
5. I am right where I am supposed to be. There is a great temptation for me to think that I missed the boat. Maybe if I had tried a little harder or done something different I would have been married by now. But God keeps reminding me that He sees me. He didn't make a mistake. I am right where I should be. I am doing what God has called me to.
Remembering these truths has transformed the way I view life and my future. It makes all the difference.
Today I am so thankful that God and His truths never change. Even when I am being fickle, emotional, or crazy He never changes. He is and always will be God. He is always good and He has been good to me.
Today I can celebrate these truths. I can live them out with joy because of the Ultimate Truth Giver.

Hope

When I was 10 my sister Rebekkah went into the hospital with a collapsed lung and a strep infection that threatened every organ in her body. Less than 12 hours after admitting her, they called my parents in and prepared them for her death.
At home I was making party hats for the party to welcome Rebekkah home. My sister Sarah came in and was befuddled by what I was doing. "It's going to be months if that before she comes home. Why are you making these now?" I don't remember what I answered her. But I remember keeping on making the hats.
Praise God that despite what a lot of doctors told my parents, we got to use those party hats one month later. She came home and recovered well.
Now as I think about those hats 18 years later, I thank God for the gift of hope. A gift that looks rediculous to outsiders. You do crazy things when you are guided by a hope in God. Things that look as silly as making party hats before you know if the party will happen.
But our God is a God of crazy hope. Hope that one day there will be a world without pain. Hope that God will be true to His promises. Hope that the future God has planned will outweigh the pain of the past.
Let those words sink into your soul.
Now what can you do to live out hope? You have been given the gift of hope beyond yourself. Use it today. Start that project. Sing that song with gusto. Dream about a bright future. Walk in the hope that has been given.
Don't be afraid to look funny. Step out and do something expressing hope. Watch and see how it grows your faith.

Like Tamar

Recently for a Bible study I was rereading the story of Tamar.

If I had to sum up her life it would go something like this - she was taken advantage of by her brother and then lived out the rest of her days as a desolate woman. The Bible leaves us with the picture of Tamar never getting rid of her disgrace. She was provided for, but never redeemed.

There have been times in the last two years that I have wondered if I would ever get rid of my disgrace. I thought I would always live in the pain of "that time." I would always be the "one who's engagement was broken." I would end up just like Tamar. Religated to a shunned place where I'm watching everyone else have their dreams come true. Living under a banner called desolation.

But that's not how God chose to write my story. I'll admit the last two years have been difficult. There has been lots of pain, tears, and setbacks. There has also been new beginnings, healing, and moving forward. Best of all there has been redemption. It didn't come how I thought it would. Instead of it coming through a guy and quick healing, it came through Christ's healing work in me. Day by day Christ healed me. He forgave me and cleansed me. He renewed and redeemed me.

My broken engagement is still a part of my past, but it's not the banner I live under. By God's grace I get to live under a banner called redeemed. I get to love and serve God even though I failed Him. I get to enjoy fellowship with my family and the family of God. I know my sins are forgiven and that I am free to love God.

Do I still have to fight to remember this on sometimes an hourly basis? Oh yeah. But the amazing thing I have come to see is that I'm not like Tamar. By God's grace people see Christ in me, not the shame of my past.

I don't know what you are dealing with today. I don't know the shame of your past or the struggle of your present. But I do know this much, because of Christ becoming a curse for us, we don't have to live there. Because of His death and resurrection we can live under a banner that reads redeemed. Praise God!

Go live there! Just because you've lived under the banner of shame doesn't mean you have to stay there. Looking to God move into grace and live out His redemption in your life. 

Grace will redeem your story and live an abundant life under the banner of redemption. Go for it!

Don't Give Up

Recently I've been struggling with discouragement. Nothing huge has happened. Nothing terrible. But I have been fighting more discouragement than normal about the way my life is turning out.
Honestly I know I have a great life. Good God, good family, good friends, good place to call home, and so much more. Still it's not where I thought I would be.
I thought I would be married and raising kids by now. With a house of my own and my own ice blue and yellow kitchen (I love my mixer in this color).
Right now that is still a dream and some unexpected problems came up. Hormones seemed out of control. It seemed like so many things were chipping away at my confidence in God's plan. So many things (little annoyances) were making me want to give up. Making me want to pull back. Making me want to stop trying. Making want to stop fighting the war against sin. Making me want to focus more on me and my wants and desires than on God's plan. 

God always knows what you need. He provided me with two things that have helped greatly. One was that our church has been going through the book of Philippians. Talk about perspective. It has been full of reminders that Christ is worthy. That this life is just a foretaste of things to come. Christ is still at work. He is worth pressing ahead for. The other big one was Kyle Idlemans book Don't Give Up. It reminded me that I need to keep pressing ahead. I need to fight the good fight. I need to keep my eyes on Christ. I need to not check out. I need to keep doing what is right. 

Honestly some days I feel like I'm army crawling through mud with barbed wire overhead on a hot Texas day. It's been tempting to stop, put my face down in the mud and just feel sorry for myself. I'm tired. I don't want to fight one more battle. I don't want to have to ride this emotional wave. Why can't I have that relationship? Why do I struggle so much?   
It's then that I start hearing voices. Loved ones encouraging me to keep fighting. Friends reminding me of the truth. Best of all in front of me is Christ. Nail-scarred hands encourage me forward. He keeps reminding me that He's got me in the middle of it all. I'm never alone. I can keep pressing on.
By God's grace, I can keep going. Sometimes I'm able to walk tall smelling the roses and enjoy the sunshine. Other times I'm back on my stomach crawling through another battle. But I am still here. I'm still running. I haven't given up. I know the One who calls me is faithful. He will enable me to keep running the race for His glory.
Have you ever had a time when discouragement was eating away at your confidence? What helped you to not give up?

Celebrate!

Resurrection Sunday is coming! I'm looking forward to it. This weekend I get to celebrate some timeless truths.

Christ is Risen!

Evil no longer has the final word.

Christ reigns over all.

Christ is stronger.

Christ is matchless.

Christ is enough.

Christ is victorious.

Christ is beautiful.

Christ is more than words can say.

Christ is good and He is good to me.

I have a place in God's heart.

There is a purpose in pain.

There is hope.

There is redemption.

There is life beyond what I can express.

There is grace.

There is forgiveness.

There is peace.

There is a place where we will live forever.

There is life that I can share with others.

Today take some time and celebrate Christ and the life that He has given to you.

Define Good

When is God good?

When is He good to me?

Is He only good when I get a guy?

Is He only good when life is going my way?

Is He only good when I get the raise?

Is He only good when traffic is easy?

Is He only good when my family and I are getting along?

Is He only good when I said the right thing in small group?

Is He only good when I get what I want?

What if we started defining good by God's terms instead of ours?

Isn't He still good when I'm sitting at yet another friends wedding?

Isn't He still good when I'm desiring something that I can't have right now?

Isn't He still good when I am scrolling through Facebook and a friend's newborn baby pictures?

Isn't He still good when I have tears streaming down my cheeks?

Isn't He still good on that hard commute?

Isn't He still good when I am feeling down?

Isn't He still good when I had a bad day at work?

What if I started in all these things I defined good by who God is, not by my circumstances or relationship status? Things change, but God never does. He is still all-powerful. He is still sovereign. He is still faithful. He is still loving. He is still kind. He is still good. His purposes for me have not changed. He is working for His glory and my good. It may not always feel good, but because God is good He has chosen to work inside me to work good in me.

Where Frustration Should Lead

Lately I have been frustrated. I've had questions. And so much of it is tied to desires. Desires for good things.
I wanted to volunteer at a hospital again. I put in an application. I prayed. I wanted to hold babies again. But I'm having to wait.
I wanted to be on the worship team at church. I wanted to be on stage lending my voice to lead people to God. There wasn't space. I ended up on the media team. In the background. It wasn't a thankless job, but my heart still longed for the stage.
I longed to be an inspirational blogger. To say things that make people think. To be shared. To be noticed. To have lots of comments. Sometimes people do and sometimes people don't. Sometimes it feels like wasted energy.
I have for a long time wanted to be married. To have one that I could love. I long for that attention and for a companion to walk alongside me. Still the singleness persists.
What is God doing in all of this? Is He trying to frustrate me? What is His purpose?
Maybe in all of these disappiontments are meant to point to Christ. Maybe they remind me Who the world really revolves around. The One who holds all things in His hands. The One who is working even in (sometimes especially in) the middle of pain for my good and His glory. Maybe in all of this was meant to show me that there is only One that truly satisfies. There is only One that truly fulfills.
My desires and how they get met is meant to bring honor to God. It is meant to showcase His love and care. It is meant to be His masterpiece of grace. It is all about Him. These desires are meant to propell me to the One who alone can satisfy the deepest cravings of my heart.
Maybe instead of trying to turn the spotlight on me and my desires, I should run to Him. In the middle of all my selfishness and self focus. In the middle of joy and laughter. In the middle of hurt and frustration. In the middle of it all I should cast myself on His mercy. I should remind myself of His worthiness. I should surrender to His touch. I should let Him reshape my desires. I should remember who is really the central focus.
Is this easy? No. Is it worth it? Yes!
Take some time right now. Wherever you are take a moment and let Him in. Remember His worthiness and let Him reshape your desires. He is a good and gracious God. He will do even more than you can imagine. Just let Him in.