27!

Source:https://www.sophie-world.com/blog/how-plan-golden-birthday-party

God has been so incredibly good. Today I'm celebrating my golden birthday! I'm 27!

I'm so thankful for all that God has done in my life. As I look around me I see so many of the gifts and blessings that God has placed in my life. Here's a list of the top 27.

1. Gods Love and Mercy

2. Forgiveness 

3. Family

4. Friends

5. Church

6. Vacations

7. Hope Family Thrift Store

8. Good Food

9. Fun Clothes

10. The Bible

11. Home

12. Pink and Gold

13. Coffee, Smoothies, Fruit Juice 

14. Workouts

15. Long Walks

16. Christian Music

17. Audiobooks

18. Journals

19. Sticky Notes

20. Texts & Emails From Friends

21. Crafting - Crochet, Cross Stitch, Sewing, Card Making, Needlepoint, and Coloring

22. Inspiring Words

23. Hanging Out With Friends

24. Healing

25. Beautiful And Fun Souvenirs 

26. Flowers Especially Roses

27. Twenty-Seven Years Of Life

Identity #3: Who I Am

When I was beat down and broken, He reminded me of who I am. When I was reeling from loss and didn't know what to do, He wooed me back to Him. When I felt defeated He reminded me of my purpose. The beautiful purpose that He had for me before the foundation of the world was laid. 

When I was in my early teens I wanted to do God's plan for my life. I wanted Him to give me a mission to accomplish. I prayed and asked God what He wanted me to be. 

It was then that He gave me a vision for what He wanted me to be. In a nutshell it's this: I want to be a woman passionately seeking God's heart and I want to encourage the Church. It's that simple. 

Through the years I've tried to follow His leading and encourage the Church. It's looked so different for different times in the last 15 years. Sometimes it's looked like being there for a neighbor when they felt alone. Encouraging a friend that she's on the right track. Blogging. Pursuing a closer walk with God through study and quiet time. Singing to a baby in the Neonatal Intensive Care. Though the expression has been different the vision has been the same.

But recently He showed me how He sees me. He sees me as His bride that He is making ready for Himself. He is cleansing and refining. He has and is giving me white to wear for the day when I meet Him. 

When I was preparing for my wedding, I spent so much time planning the details and worrying about how I would look for that day. What if I started putting as much preparation for my heavenly wedding? What if I prepared for the day when I will walk down a gold paved aisle to meet my God? What if I lived as the blood bought Bride of Christ? 

So who am I really? I am Rose. Chosen by God before the foundation of the world was laid to become His. Through the blood of Christ, I am cleansed and sanctified to be ready for service. Now I can love and encourage the church wherever I find them. 

And one day I will meet my God dressed in the purity that He purchased for me. One day I will see the joy on His face at my coming. One day I will be fully His bride beautiful. 

For now I wait and prepare for that day. For now I trust Him and follow His leading. For now I walk free in Him. I know who I am. I am His. 

Special Thanks to Mikayla for the photos. 

A Prayer

Lord, 

You are so Good and Faithful.

You are Holy and True. 

You are Great and Kind. 

You are the Creator and Redeemer.

You are God above all. 

You are the King of all Kings.

You are the Merciful and Compassionate.

You are beyond my comprehension.

And in all this, You want me for Your own. 

You have given me a calling and purpose. 

You have given me a part in Your story. 

Father, let me be faithful. 

Let me each do what You have given me. 

Let me honor You each day. 

Let my life encourage others to follow You. 

Let me be Your light. 

Amen. 

A Letter

Dear Beloved Daughter,
You cannot know the depths of my love for you. It is too deep to know.
Because of my great love for you I'm about to let the hardest trial you have ever known into your life. You will fail and do things that you never thought you would.
Yet I will never leave you. This will press you into Me. I will be waiting for you to turn and to be forgiven.
Daughter don't give up. Keep pressing through to Me. Remember that I am with you. You are loved more than you will ever know.
How will you know? You will see it in my loving discipline. I won't abandon you but will correct you as the daughter you are.
Then when anther trial comes along, you will stand firm. You will know Me better. Your heart will be stronger for the task.
This is my promise to you. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart, I have overcome the world.
Love,
Your Heavenly Dad.

This I have found to be true.

One Day

He spoke the words softly over my soul. One day you'll reach for the pain and it won't be there.

I didn't think this was possible. I was wracked with pain. It was a part of me. Hardly a day went by that I didn't breakdown crying over the past or something I had done. I wondered if I would ever have a day I wouldn't cry. If I would ever be able to look back without pain. If I would ever stop hurting.

This is how it was for so much of this last year. Yet He kept repeating this promise. One day you'll reach for the pain and it won't be there. I tried to think of what that might look like, but for months the pain didn't leave me. It was always there. 

How do wounds fade into scars? Slowly. Day by day the wound stops bleeding. It closes up and new skin forms over the wound. The process of healing is never as quick or easy as we wish. But if we trust God and let Him protect our wounds, they heal. They become scars. 

For me I didn't realize that the worst of my wounds had faded into scars until...

It was May and we were at the park with some friends. Something came up and it triggered a memory. As I started thinking about it. Then it occurred to me that I didn't have the usual pain that this memory normally invoked. It felt odd. Then it hit me. I was reaching for pain that wasn't there. God had done it! He had healed my heart. God did it! He fulfilled His promise. 

Now when those memories come up I try to reach for gratefulness. Gratefulness to God for His love and tender mercy toward me. Gratefulness for the family and friends who stuck with me through the best and the worst. Gratefulness for His plan that wasn't derailed by my poor choices. Gratefulness for the place that I do live and the things I get to enjoy. 

I'm still learning. There are times I still fall into feeling sorry for myself and let the pain take over. There are still times when I feel pain or guilt over the past. It's in these times that God reminds me of the truth. To remember that God paid the price. His wounds healed mine. His grace is enough. He is the One who heals and restores. 

So now these scars bear witness to the fact that I am loved. They are now a cause for gratitude not pain. For that I am so grateful to my loving promise keeping God. 

Help! I'm Turning Green!

Source: Colorhex.com

I scrolled through Facebook and saw pictures of happy couples with a lovely ring prominently displayed and I started turning green. A friend was gushing to me about married life and how wonderful her new husband is and on the other end of the phone I started turning green. I text from a friend tells me that she's pregnant with her first and I started turning green.

I feel like I've reached that time in my life when most of my friends are getting married, are married, or having their first baby. And in early July I was really struggling with being envious of what they had and the joy that they are experiencing. I don't wish I had their life, but sometimes I want what they have. And it made me turn so green. 

Normally I look really good in green. But when it's the ugly neon green of envy, I look terrible. The problem with envy is that it makes you blind to the joy and the blessings that you have. You can't praise God for who He is and what He's done. It inhibits your ability to see the good that is there or could be there. It immobilizes you to do what God has given you to do.  

So how did I combat envy? It was hard, but a battle that was worth the fighting. When I began to feel green I tried to refocus on what God has given me. I started to think about all the blessings that He's placed in my life. And what He has done for me. That made a huge difference. The green receded. Next I would try to focus on what God has given me to do that day. Whether it was chores or work or sewing or whatever I would try to give it my full attention and focus on the things that God has given me to do that day. The green receded a little more. Next I would try to lift up my voice in praise to God for who He is and what He's done. The green receded more. 

There are still times that I turn so green that it gets ugly, but they are fewer. For that I praise God. 

The thing is, when I am contented in Him it frees me to be truly happy for others. I can rejoice with them when I have hope that Gods plan is still on track. I praise God for every time that He helps me to get rid of the green and rejoice. It many times isn't easy, but always worthwhile. 

So the next time that you are turning green, stop and turn your eyes back to Him. I garentee you, there is no better sight to feast your eyes on. He is the best and the greatest we could ever hope for. 

Oh my soul, remember the Lord your God. Remember all that He has done for you. Remember His kindness and loving care. Stay focused on Him. Enjoy the blessings He has given you. Do the work He has given you singing praises to His name. For the Lord is worthy always! 

Identity #2: Defined By...

I don't know where I picked up this lie, but it became embedded deep inside me. I thought that when I started dating/courting someone that I was supposed to take on their way of thinking and always take their view in terms of theology or any grey areas. Like I was supposed to be a sponge soaking in whatever he told me. I was waiting for that guy to tell me part of my identity. 

In 2017 I got my wish. A handsome guy swept me off my feet and offered me the world. I was taken. I forged ahead throwing caution and sound judgement to the wind. We set a date for the wedding and started planning a life together. 

I assumed the identity of fiancée/sponge quite well. I changed to fit the identity that he wanted. The problem was that I started to lose the real me. I wasn't becoming more like Christ. I was becoming more like a sponge, logic that was full of holes and in relationships  sliding down a slippery slope.  

It was then that God lovingly intervened. He didn't hand me over to that identity. The engagement broke up. 

I was devastated. Stripped of my coveted identity, I felt so beat down and lost. I reeled in the pain of loss. 

Yet He came to me. He pressed in passed the pain. He peeled through layers of hurt. He carried me through. He gave me grace. He reminded me who I am. He reminded me of the person He created me to be. He reminded me of the mission He gave me. 

To be continued...