In 5 Years

Today I had a very sad moment. I was chatting with an old friend. We used to use this ancient form of communication called email and excanged a few emails way back. We would encourage each other and talk about our lives. Then we had lost touch for awhile. Like a few years. Recently we reconnected and were catching up. Today saddened me. I realized that the person she had become was one that was marked by pain, bad choices, and trying to prove that she's doing alright. 

I came away from the conversation sad because it's not what I want to become. 

I want to become a person who is marked by her radical love for God and others. I want to become a strong encourager of the Church and someone that is a blessing to those around her. I want to become the person that God wants me to be.  

But how do I get there? How do I look back five years from now and be closer to that goal? How do I become the person that God destined me to be? 

You do it the same way you build a house. One part at a time. One day at a time. No one wakes up one day and becomes an evil person. You do it in stages. You entertain bad thoughts. You make a compromise. And it starts a downward spiral. The opposite is also true. If you fight the flesh, live radically for God, and do what He sets before you, you will build a life that honors God. Even if you have made mistakes in the past, they don't have to determine your future. Because of Gods amazing grace we have the ability to build a life that honors God and lives out radical love to a hurting world. 

Today and everyday I want to chose to live life Gods way. I want to look back in five years and be thanking God for all that He has done, for the person that He has made me into. 

Let's see what Happens when we put 5 years of these days together. 

Dreams, Singleness, And A Lie

Recently I came to a conclusion that I'm a little ashamed to admit. Why? Because it's a lie that I grew up with and never faced head on. 

This was the lie - once I get married then I won't have to figure out what to do with my days anymore. Husband and kids will be what my life is all about. So my goal became to bide my time until I found the guy. Then I would keep a house, enjoy having a husband/best friend, and raise kids. That's it.

What I've been realizing is that God has a bigger plan for my life than just marriage and kids. The truth is that (according to my unofficial study of my married friends) there's so much more that God has for us to do. Marriage and raising kids are one of the things that He wants for us, but He also wants us to live radical lives that touch those around us for His Kingdom. This certainly includes marriage, but its not the totality of Gods plan to advance His Kingdom. 

This is changing how I look at my singleness. This time is not biding time until this guy shows up. This is a valuable time. A time to dream. A time to see God work. A time to take chances. A time to grow radically in God. A time to advance the Kingdom of God while not as distracted. 

So now whether single or married, my life is His. He has lavished beautiful radical love on me. My days are in His hands. 

He is too worthy just to bide time. He is too worthy to waste this season that I have been given living for myself. 

What do I do now? I can't change the past, but I can change how I move forward. God has given me today. He has given me another chance to dream. So I'm going to take it. I pray that over the next few months I can dream and use this time to its best potential. 

I want to live radically for the One who has given me His very life. 

So if you will excuse me until next time, I'm off to dream. 

Painting

Singleness paints a picture of Christ's sufficiency.
If you are single what picture are you painting?
Each of us takes up a brush at the beginning of the day.
We have paints before us.
Vibrant colors of praise and worship and love.
Deep hues of resentment and resistance and .
We choose.
We can dip our paintbrush into pain and bitterness.
We can dip into selfish tears and cry over what we wish was or what we wish we could change.
We can paint with colors of resistance to our present.
Or we can paint with colors of praise.
We can paint with grace and encouragement.
We can use the gifts that we have been given and honor the One who gave them.
We can use the love that has been lavished on us to paint a picture of His love.
We have a choice before us.
The paint brush is in your hand.
You choose your paint.
The canvas of the day is before you. 
As for me, I want the bright colors of praise and love to paint my day.
Let's go!

In The Middle

"Just keep remembering that you are in the middle of the story."
I've been thinking about my mom's gentle reminder to me from a few weeks ago.
Sometimes I feel like I'm stuck in the middle. I do the same things day in and day out not getting any closer (or so it seems) to where I want to be. I see other happy girls posting smiling engagement pictures or beautiful ladies setting up their homes and there's a part of me that really wants to be there. Sometimes I feel like they are getting their dreams and I'm not going much of anywhere. I'm still doing much of the same things I've been doing for months. I'm fighting the same battles within myself. 
There are days I move slower. Days when I feel like the middle of my story is going to damper my spirit. Days when I wonder if I missed the boat or didn't do something right. Days that feel so mundane.
Yet even on the mundane days, God is still calling me. He's still at work even in the middle of the story. He is still here.
So what do you do? On days when you feel like you are in the middle of the story not getting anywhere.
I've been thinking about this the last few days and I've come up with a list.
1. Preach the gospel to yourself. We never graduate from the gospel. Keep remembering the surpassing worth of Christ. Remember His cross. Remember His resurrection.
2. Don't give up on the dreams God gave you. On days when your dreams seem to be buried under a pile of work and  circumstances you can't control, keep believing that God is going to have those dreams come true at the perfect time.
3. Remember that God sees the bigger picture. To Him this isn't wasted time. This is His time. He knows what He is doing in the story and will work it all into the best story ever. Trust Him.
4. Keep moving in the right direction. Even if it seems mundane, keep moving. He's given you a task for today. Do it with all your might giving Him the praise.
5. Take time to do something you haven't done in a while. Do devotions outside. Buy a friend coffee. Go shopping at a new store. Surprise a friend with lunch. Sometimes it helps to break out of your normal routine.
So if you will excuse me I've got some work to do, but I'm happy about it. 

Fingerprints

I love it when you can look back and trace God's hand. The times when I can see His fingerprints. His hands at work.  Sometimes they are stained from the blood of battle or outlined by cooling water of refreshment. But they are always there.
From the perspective of time and through the lense of grace I looked back on last year. It is full of His fingerprints.
Family showing me grace.
God's arms around me.
A friend crying with me.
An unexpected kindness.
A breaking of my idols.
A growing trust in God.
A healing heart.
Don't look back to beat yourself up for the things you can't change. Look back to see the fingerprints of God.

Tangible

Last night I was crying. I could hardly put into words what was bothering me. It seemed like a bunch of scattered pieces and I couldn't make sense of it. 

As I was falling asleep my brain got stuck on the word tangible. At the heart of the struggle was that God doesn't seem as tangible as the things on this earth. It's hard sometimes to feel His embrace and know His voice. 

Honestly I've been missing tangible hugs from a boyfriend, having conversations, texting, and more. I miss the tangible. 

But just because God doesn't seem as tangible doesn't make Him any less real. In reality, He is alive in me. He fights for me and protects me. He sanctifies me and restores me. That is as real as the tablet I'm using to write this. That is the reality that I get to live in and enjoy.

Still there are times my heart longs for more. For tangible things that I can hold. 

There's two stories in the Bible that contrast how people chose to deal with their longing for the tangible. 

The Israelites were at the foot of Mount Sinai. Moses had been up on the mountain for days. They got tired of waiting. They long for the promise to be fulfilled. They longed for the tangible. So they had Aaron make them an idol. It was tangible and they used it to have some sinful fun, but in the end they had to drink in the bitterness of their sin. 

Then there's Joseph. He had a dream and a pretty good life under Potiphar. Even though he was a slave he was the highest one in the house. Then the masters wife decided that Joseph could serve her sinful desires. Joseph had the opportunity to have something tangible to enjoy, but He chose to stand firm in God. For years he paid the price for her sin. But when he did rise to power, he still had purity and trust in God. 

In this Joseph modeled a way for us to wait for the tangible. It may not be easy or fun. There will be times with tears and pain, but in the end God gives us the best gifts. Not only the gift of Himself, but also a tangible life better than the one we could have planned for ourselves. 

Oh my soul, the next time you are tempted to grab for the tangible outside of God's timing, stand firm. Cling to Gods promises and stand firm. Remember who God is and all He has done for you and stand firm. Remember that the pain of this moment won't be forever, stand firm. Remember all that He has given you and stand firm. Remember His love and faithfulness and stand firm. 

Sculpting

I didn't get a lot of good sleep last night.  Lots of dreams.  This morning I was moving slow and feeling emotionally down. A good talk with Mom helped but I was still feeling like I was dragging. I finally got out the door and was going to work but there was a huge slow down. I was on the verge of getting impatient and feeling frustrated at traffic.
It was then that I heard the still small voice, " Don't worry. I'm sculpting and molding your character. Just keep going straight ahead."
I got the image of a Potter with a lump of clay on His wheel. That's what I felt like a messed up lump of clay that was in the middle of an overhaul.
But when I look up I see His loving gaze. And I know that He's doing something great. So I can go to work with a smile on my face even though I'm late. I can be nice to customers and encourage those around me. Why? Because even though sometimes I feel like a half-finished mess on my way home becoming His masterpiece. He's still got me and He's still good.