In many ways this last month has brought me to my knees. I've been beaten down by a host of circumstances. I've come before God and asked for wisdom. I've pleaded for guidance. He gave it to me.
At the beginning of the year I asked Him what my goals should be. He said that I should surrender my expectations and expect great things from Him.
I thought I knew at the beginning of the year how things would go. What would happen.
Through many different circumstances this year, God has systematically caused me to realize how many expectations I had formed. I expected to be married by now. I expected that I would be able to stay at my job for longer than I did. I expected that friendships would be farther along than they are. I expected that I would be more mature than I am. I expected that I would be able to start volunteering at a hospital again. I expected that I wouldn't be struggling with as many run away emotions as I do. I expected that more of my dreams from my dream book would have happened by now.
All of these disappointed expectations have been hitting me hard lately. I've cried so many tears over the space between what I wish was and what is. I cry out to God over the dreams that feel so far away.
As I have come to Him with tears and heartache, He has reminded me of the second part of what He wanted for me this year. He wanted me to start expecting great things from Him. He has been inviting me to dream about how He can empower me in the present and how He work in my future. He can do more than I can imagine. He can make all my dreams come true or He can use my disappointment to lead me closer to Him. More and more I am seeing that it is when I am brought to my knees in disappointment and discouragement is when God becomes more precious. He becomes my greatest treasure. He becomes my best goal. He becomes all that I need. He becomes my rest. He becomes everything to me.
Does it still hurt? Yes, but I have a better vision of what He is doing. My expectations are beginning to shift. They are being transferred onto the One who will never disappoint me. Hope placed in Him is never in vain. I expect that He will empower me to love audaciously. I expect that He will satisfy my deepest longings and desires in Him. I expect that He will fill my days with meaningful work and enjoyable times. I expect Him to do more than I can imagine. I expect that He can hold me in the pain and in the happiness. I expect that He will take care of me. This is my hope. This is my expectation. This is what my God is able to do.
I also expect to struggle with feelings of disappointment. I'm not perfect yet. Yet I know that in the middle of all of it God will help me. He will comfort me. He will cause my eyes to turn upward.
For now I'm so grateful that He is still at work in my life. He keeps exposing areas that need to be brought into conformity with Christ. That is cause for celebration and thanksgiving.
Through many different circumstances this year, God has systematically caused me to realize how many expectations I had formed. I expected to be married by now. I expected that I would be able to stay at my job for longer than I did. I expected that friendships would be farther along than they are. I expected that I would be more mature than I am. I expected that I would be able to start volunteering at a hospital again. I expected that I wouldn't be struggling with as many run away emotions as I do. I expected that more of my dreams from my dream book would have happened by now.
All of these disappointed expectations have been hitting me hard lately. I've cried so many tears over the space between what I wish was and what is. I cry out to God over the dreams that feel so far away.
As I have come to Him with tears and heartache, He has reminded me of the second part of what He wanted for me this year. He wanted me to start expecting great things from Him. He has been inviting me to dream about how He can empower me in the present and how He work in my future. He can do more than I can imagine. He can make all my dreams come true or He can use my disappointment to lead me closer to Him. More and more I am seeing that it is when I am brought to my knees in disappointment and discouragement is when God becomes more precious. He becomes my greatest treasure. He becomes my best goal. He becomes all that I need. He becomes my rest. He becomes everything to me.
Does it still hurt? Yes, but I have a better vision of what He is doing. My expectations are beginning to shift. They are being transferred onto the One who will never disappoint me. Hope placed in Him is never in vain. I expect that He will empower me to love audaciously. I expect that He will satisfy my deepest longings and desires in Him. I expect that He will fill my days with meaningful work and enjoyable times. I expect Him to do more than I can imagine. I expect that He can hold me in the pain and in the happiness. I expect that He will take care of me. This is my hope. This is my expectation. This is what my God is able to do.
I also expect to struggle with feelings of disappointment. I'm not perfect yet. Yet I know that in the middle of all of it God will help me. He will comfort me. He will cause my eyes to turn upward.
For now I'm so grateful that He is still at work in my life. He keeps exposing areas that need to be brought into conformity with Christ. That is cause for celebration and thanksgiving.
