Recently for a Bible study I was rereading the story of Tamar.
If I had to sum up her life it would go something like this - she was taken advantage of by her brother and then lived out the rest of her days as a desolate woman. The Bible leaves us with the picture of Tamar never getting rid of her disgrace. She was provided for, but never redeemed.
There have been times in the last two years that I have wondered if I would ever get rid of my disgrace. I thought I would always live in the pain of "that time." I would always be the "one who's engagement was broken." I would end up just like Tamar. Religated to a shunned place where I'm watching everyone else have their dreams come true. Living under a banner called desolation.
But that's not how God chose to write my story. I'll admit the last two years have been difficult. There has been lots of pain, tears, and setbacks. There has also been new beginnings, healing, and moving forward. Best of all there has been redemption. It didn't come how I thought it would. Instead of it coming through a guy and quick healing, it came through Christ's healing work in me. Day by day Christ healed me. He forgave me and cleansed me. He renewed and redeemed me.
My broken engagement is still a part of my past, but it's not the banner I live under. By God's grace I get to live under a banner called redeemed. I get to love and serve God even though I failed Him. I get to enjoy fellowship with my family and the family of God. I know my sins are forgiven and that I am free to love God.
Do I still have to fight to remember this on sometimes an hourly basis? Oh yeah. But the amazing thing I have come to see is that I'm not like Tamar. By God's grace people see Christ in me, not the shame of my past.
I don't know what you are dealing with today. I don't know the shame of your past or the struggle of your present. But I do know this much, because of Christ becoming a curse for us, we don't have to live there. Because of His death and resurrection we can live under a banner that reads redeemed. Praise God!
Go live there! Just because you've lived under the banner of shame doesn't mean you have to stay there. Looking to God move into grace and live out His redemption in your life.
Grace will redeem your story and live an abundant life under the banner of redemption. Go for it!
