The Searching

Source

A few days ago one of our goats wondered off. We searched and searched with no success.

While I was searching I started thinking. Why does God have to search for us like we are searching for this lost goat? He knows where we are better than we do. He sees all things. Yet in His parables, He told of a Shepherd that searched for His lost sheep. Of a Father watching the horizon for His wayward son. Even all the way back in Genesis God was searching for His two fallen children.

Maybe because in all of these stories and parables God is showing us a bit of His heart. A facet of His love. He could storm into where we are and yank us back to where we should be. He would be within His rights.
But that's not how He's chosen to interact with us. He chooses to be the God who searches us out where we are. He comes to us in the middle of our lostness. When we have lost our identity. When we trampled on boundaries and made ourselves vulnerable. When we cast aside the rules and were left without a compass. The way we wondered left us cold. Yet we kept walking on. Surely there would be warmth and good things just around the next bend. Yet every path, every way, every new thing just led us farther away from God.

But God never gave up on us. He wound His way through the forests that we got lost in. He kept searching until He found us, deep in the darkness of sin. He didn't leave us there. On the cross He gave His life blood for the lost. In that moment He made a way for us to come home. 

Then comes the moment of truth. We have a choice. We can keep making endless painful circles or we can take His hand and go home. Yet we know we are not worthy to go home. We have wondered too far, done too much, ran for too long. But Christ offers us His nail scarred hands to guide us home. He has paid the price. He has covered for our sins. With gratitude we slowly extend our hand in consent. With a smile so big that it lights up the night He takes our hand and begins to walk. 

He forgives us and leads us back home. No condemnation. No guilt trip. Just a loving tender hand that guides us back home. Home where we are met with a celebration. Home where we can rest. Home where fellowship happens. Home where He is. 

Friends, this is our God. The One that pursues us when we are running from Him. The One who died to bring us home. The One who leads us home. 

This is nothing short of a wonder. That God Himself would pursue His rebellious creations. It feels my heart with joy and wonder.

I praise God! The God who pursues me when I am just like a sheep running from Him. He never gives up on me. I praise Him for His love and faithfulness. I praise Him for His tenderness and compassion. Now and forever. 

Christ Is Here!

Source 

This Christmas God has been reminding me of how far His incredible love will go to redeem us. 

He chose the lowest of the low. He came to poor people who were busy just trying to make it through that day. He calmed their fears. He worked even through their trembling. He empowered them to play their part. He protected them and lead them.

This gives me great comfort for today. As I face fears, temptations, and struggles I am comforted that God will be with me too. He is alive! He conquered death itself. There is nothing He can't do. 

He can come into the middle of my day filled with business and a million things that threatened to pull me away from God. Just as He did for Mary, Joseph, and so many others He calms my fears. He gives me my mission. He empowers me every step of the way. 

This Christmas I encourage you to remember that God is alive. His love is so great that it has spanned before time began, went to a bloody cross, rose again, and today lives inside of all who believe in His name. This is a precious and costly gift. Let us always give thanks to the Giver. 

I'm Grateful For Christmas Lights

This Christmas has been a wonderful time for reflection and enjoying the good gifts that God has given. 

It's so easy for me to get focused on what I wish I had. Especially at this time of year when there's so many reminders of my single status. I can't tell you how many times I've done things and wished I had a guy to share it with. Or how many times I've seen a happy couple hand in hand strolling along and my heart aches. 

Last night I went to see some Christmas lights with my family. Usually this is the time I start wishing, but last night I didn't. I was grateful. Grateful for a Lover who always walks besides me. Grateful for the eternal hope and light He offers. Grateful for the family that I have to walk with. Grateful that I get to have this time with them. Grateful for fun Christmas light displays. Grateful for God's care.

I praise God that I came home with a light heart. I came home happy in Him. I praise God for the work He is doing in me.

I pray that this Christmas you can reflect on the many good and gracious gifts you have been given. I guarantee you it's a longer list than what you lack. 

A Prayer

God of all eternity, Lord of my heart, Lover of my soul,

I come to You now. 

I need You more than ever.

I want Your presence to come in and fill me. 

My heart is heavy God. 

It is durdened down with cares and disappointments. 

It has been battered by the struggle within and differed hope.

It is tired of hoping for dreams to come true. 

It is weary of continuing on. 

Lord, I come to You. 

I need You to remake this heart. 

I need You to break through the walls of unbelief. 

I need You to fight my doubt of You. 

I need You to remind me of who You are. 

I need You to renew my heart.

I need You to save me from temptation. 

Lord, I look to You. 

In You alone I find hope. 

In You alone I find deliverance. 

In You alone I can be redeemed. 

In You alone I find rest. 

In You alone I know who I was meant to be. 

Come, Lord Jesus.

Come into this fickle wondering heart. 

Come make it evermore Yours. 

Come change to be like Yours. 

Come be my King and Lover forever.

In the name of the One who loved me and gave Himself up for me, amen. 

I Didn't Expect This

Source

In many ways this last month has brought me to my knees. I've been beaten down by a host of circumstances. I've come before God and asked for wisdom. I've pleaded for guidance. He gave it to me. 

At the beginning of the year I asked Him what my goals should be. He said that I should surrender my expectations and expect great things from Him. 

I thought I knew at the beginning of the year how things would go. What would happen.
Through many different circumstances this year, God has systematically caused me to realize how many expectations I had formed. I expected to be married by now. I expected that I would be able to stay at my job for longer than I did. I expected that friendships would be farther along than they are. I expected that I would be more mature than I am. I expected that I would be able to start volunteering at a hospital again. I expected that I wouldn't be struggling with as many run away emotions as I do. I expected that more of my dreams from my dream book would have happened by now.
All of these disappointed expectations have been hitting me hard lately. I've cried so many tears over the space between what I wish was and what is. I cry out to God over the dreams that feel so far away.
As I have come to Him with tears and heartache, He has reminded me of the second part of what He wanted for me this year. He wanted me to start expecting great things from Him. He has been inviting me to dream about how He can empower me in the present and how He work in my future. He can do more than I can imagine. He can make all my dreams come true or He can use my disappointment to lead me closer to Him. More and more I am seeing that it is when I am brought to my knees in disappointment and discouragement is when God becomes more precious. He becomes my greatest treasure. He becomes my best goal. He becomes all that I need. He becomes my rest. He becomes everything to me.
Does it still hurt? Yes, but I have a better vision of what He is doing. My expectations are beginning to shift. They are being transferred onto the One who will never disappoint me. Hope placed in Him is never in vain. I expect that He will empower me to love audaciously. I expect that He will satisfy my deepest longings and desires in Him. I expect that He will fill my days with meaningful work and enjoyable times. I expect Him to do more than I can imagine. I expect that He can hold me in the pain and in the happiness. I expect that He will take care of me. This is my hope. This is my expectation. This is what my God is able to do.
I also expect to struggle with feelings of disappointment. I'm not perfect yet. Yet I know that in the middle of all of it God will help me. He will comfort me. He will cause my eyes to turn upward.
For now I'm so grateful that He is still at work in my life. He keeps exposing areas that need to be brought into conformity with Christ. That is cause for celebration and thanksgiving.
    

My Dad's Work Legacy

This is my dad. He retires today. 

Even before I was born he was working to support our family. Throughout the years he has always been there working hard, doing whatever was needed to provide for us. 

Through all the ups and downs that his jobs have thrown at him I never can recall a time when he complained. He chose through the years to focus on the good and keep pressing ahead. 

My dad didn't work a glamorous or high playing job, but he did his work diligently. Even when he was unemployed for two years, he worked odd jobs to provide for us. He looks to God as our ultimate provider. He always pointed us back to God. 

I thank God for a father who chose to be faithful in his work. He chose to love his family more than having nice things for himself. 

I love you Dad. I can't wait to see how God is going to use this season of your life for his glory and your good. 

Tell Me I'm Okay

Source

I desperately wanted her to include me in the wedding planning. 

I had just come back to work after my engagement had been broken off. Several ladies at work were preparing to get married. It wasn't like we were good friends, but I really wanted to help. 

For some reason I thought that if they included me in their wedding planning that it would prove that I was okay. It would prove that I wasn't messed up. 

In reality, I was a wreak. I was a very messed up and broken person. I was reeling from the breakup and trying to survive the waves of emotion.

Looking back now I see one thing very clearly. Their inclusion of me would not have fixed what was really wrong with me. I needed God's healing and validation more than I needed someone else to tell me that I was okay. I praise God that He never stopped working. He day by day, moment by moment, tear by tear, worked healing. He reminded me of who I was in Him. He reminded me that He is all I need. 

It's easy for me to think that I need someone to tell me that I'm okay. To ask the opinion of others, or family, instead of going to the God who made me. But ultimately His opinion is the only one that matters. He has already determined my worth on the cross. He has already redeemed my life through His resurrection. He walks with me and validates me. I don't need to seek validation from others. I can seek God in my time of need. I can be raw, honest, and vulnerable. He knows me and will work out His best in me. 

All of this is easier said than done many times. But let's do this together shall we? Instead of going to others let us go to God. Let us trust His love and gain our validation from Him. Ultimately no one else's opinion matters. 

Candy, Candy, and Real Food

Source

When was the last time you had an amazing meal? I'm talking steak and potatoes, a gourmet dinner, tender chicken and vegetables.
In the hosile and bussle of today's world its rare that we enjoy let alone sit down for a real gourmet meal.
I'm spoiled that I live in a house full of good cooks. Almost every weekend I or one of my family members will take the time to create a meal masterpiece. Even on week days I usually enjoy a home cooked lunch at my workplace. It tastes so good. It fills me up with good things.
But what if I decided to eat candy all week long? After all it tastes so good. I can pop candy in my mouth all day and enjoy it. Now granted it doesn't fill me up as well, but it tastes better. I get a sugar rush. I have fun, but it doesn't really satisfy.
God reminded me yesterday of how this same principle applies to what I fill up on spirituality throughout the week. I can fill up on entertainment, fluffy music, daydreaming, or playing games on my phone. These things in of themselves aren't sinful. These things can even be a God given way to relax from time to time. But when I spend the majority of my waking hours doing them, it's like the equivalent of eating candy all week. It's fun, but it doesn't satisfy. Worse when I'm feasting on candy, there's no room for real food.
I was convicted that I have been popping a lot of candy lately. It's not horrible or sinful things, but they do take up space that God could fill. Does this mean that I think we all can't do anything that is fun? That there's no room in God's economy for fun things? Absolutely not!
There is steak and potatoes, but there's also chocolate mousse. There is good gifts that God gives us that are meant to be fun and enjoyable. Don't throw them out. But how do we know the difference between enjoying a good gift from God and gorging ourselves on candy that won't satisfy? I would say that a good judge between cheap candy and gourmet chocolate mousse is what it encourages. Does this entertainment encourage you to know Christ more? Does this song encourage you to love as you have been loved? When I finish this activity have I used the time for God's glory?
If I'm honest I can say that I've done both. I've popped candy in my mouth just for the fun of it and I've enjoyed good chocolate mousse. I'm still learning.
How about you? What has your books, movies, games, and music more resembled? Candy or chocolate mousse? Today take some time and ask God about your eating habits. Ask Him what He would have you do. Knowing that He not only spreads out steak dinners, He also serves chocolate mousse. Ask Him to help you fill up on good wholesome food and to know when it's time to enjoy dessert. He will show you, just like He's showing me. Let's do this together.

Scars And Tattoos

Source

I have scars.
Scars on my heart from the past.
Scars from sins.
Scars from memories.
Scars that remind me of things I can't undo.
I wish scars were as cool as tattoos.
If you have a tattoo, many see you as cool.
Many think you are brave.
Tattoos set you apart.
They tell a story.
They share a message.
They mark their owner.
But scars are different from tattoos. Sometimes I have showed others my scars.
Some wince.
Some run.
Some ask questions.
Some want to know what happened.
Some want to know the story.
Because where there is a scar there was once a wound.
There was once pain.
There was once blood.
There was once choas.
But it didn't stay that way.
By God's grace and tender care a change took place.
With time the wound became a scar.
With love the wound lost its sting.
So when I show my scars I can tell a story.
A story of love.
A story of healing.
A story of pain turned to joy.
A story of God.
My scars may never be cool.
But they will be a testemant to God's grace.
So I will continue to show my scars.
Not because they are cool, but because they tell a story of grace.

Truth and Lies

Recently I've been reading a book on womanhood and femininity. While the book has been good in some areas, personally I felt like it missed the mark.
Honestly I don't remember ever struggling with Biblical womanhood. I grew up in a home that valued being a woman and serving God. I realize now how rare this is and am so thankful for the home I have. I have been totally on board with God's veiw of femininity.
Women are called to be keepers at home. Amen!
Women should be good helpers to their husband's. Absolutely!
Women should be submissive. Yes!
Women should be busy, diligent, and hard working for the glory of God and the good of others. Totally.
What I realized is that while I knew all of these truths I got on the wrong track to fulfilling them. I thought my single years were a holding tank where I was waiting for marriage. All of my life was to become focused on preparing for marriage and keeping a home. Every day I was holding my breath waiting for the guy to come along. My life was focused on my marriage dream not on God.
Slowly this messed up perspective ate away my trust in God and joy. I became bitter and self-centered. Marriage became my idol.
Praise God He chooses to work in our lives even when we believe lies. Especially in the last two years He has been remaking my heart to be more like His. He has remained me of the truth. Here's some of what I have learned.
1. I am here to bring Him glory. Everything I do or say is (or should be) to bring Him glory. My life is not my own, it is His.
2. I have a mission. God gave me a mission to love and encourage the Church. That started a long time ago. It doesn't start the moment I get married, it has already begun.
3. I am not in control. My future and anything it might hold has been given into God's hands. Although there are times when I struggle greatly with this reality, it is true. The best thing I can do is pry my hands off my illusion of control and give it to God. I can trust the God of all time with my future.
4. I have been given so much right now. As I look around I see how much God has given me. There is so much to be grateful for.
5. I am right where I am supposed to be. There is a great temptation for me to think that I missed the boat. Maybe if I had tried a little harder or done something different I would have been married by now. But God keeps reminding me that He sees me. He didn't make a mistake. I am right where I should be. I am doing what God has called me to.
Remembering these truths has transformed the way I view life and my future. It makes all the difference.
Today I am so thankful that God and His truths never change. Even when I am being fickle, emotional, or crazy He never changes. He is and always will be God. He is always good and He has been good to me.
Today I can celebrate these truths. I can live them out with joy because of the Ultimate Truth Giver.

Hope

When I was 10 my sister Rebekkah went into the hospital with a collapsed lung and a strep infection that threatened every organ in her body. Less than 12 hours after admitting her, they called my parents in and prepared them for her death.
At home I was making party hats for the party to welcome Rebekkah home. My sister Sarah came in and was befuddled by what I was doing. "It's going to be months if that before she comes home. Why are you making these now?" I don't remember what I answered her. But I remember keeping on making the hats.
Praise God that despite what a lot of doctors told my parents, we got to use those party hats one month later. She came home and recovered well.
Now as I think about those hats 18 years later, I thank God for the gift of hope. A gift that looks rediculous to outsiders. You do crazy things when you are guided by a hope in God. Things that look as silly as making party hats before you know if the party will happen.
But our God is a God of crazy hope. Hope that one day there will be a world without pain. Hope that God will be true to His promises. Hope that the future God has planned will outweigh the pain of the past.
Let those words sink into your soul.
Now what can you do to live out hope? You have been given the gift of hope beyond yourself. Use it today. Start that project. Sing that song with gusto. Dream about a bright future. Walk in the hope that has been given.
Don't be afraid to look funny. Step out and do something expressing hope. Watch and see how it grows your faith.

Like Tamar

Recently for a Bible study I was rereading the story of Tamar.

If I had to sum up her life it would go something like this - she was taken advantage of by her brother and then lived out the rest of her days as a desolate woman. The Bible leaves us with the picture of Tamar never getting rid of her disgrace. She was provided for, but never redeemed.

There have been times in the last two years that I have wondered if I would ever get rid of my disgrace. I thought I would always live in the pain of "that time." I would always be the "one who's engagement was broken." I would end up just like Tamar. Religated to a shunned place where I'm watching everyone else have their dreams come true. Living under a banner called desolation.

But that's not how God chose to write my story. I'll admit the last two years have been difficult. There has been lots of pain, tears, and setbacks. There has also been new beginnings, healing, and moving forward. Best of all there has been redemption. It didn't come how I thought it would. Instead of it coming through a guy and quick healing, it came through Christ's healing work in me. Day by day Christ healed me. He forgave me and cleansed me. He renewed and redeemed me.

My broken engagement is still a part of my past, but it's not the banner I live under. By God's grace I get to live under a banner called redeemed. I get to love and serve God even though I failed Him. I get to enjoy fellowship with my family and the family of God. I know my sins are forgiven and that I am free to love God.

Do I still have to fight to remember this on sometimes an hourly basis? Oh yeah. But the amazing thing I have come to see is that I'm not like Tamar. By God's grace people see Christ in me, not the shame of my past.

I don't know what you are dealing with today. I don't know the shame of your past or the struggle of your present. But I do know this much, because of Christ becoming a curse for us, we don't have to live there. Because of His death and resurrection we can live under a banner that reads redeemed. Praise God!

Go live there! Just because you've lived under the banner of shame doesn't mean you have to stay there. Looking to God move into grace and live out His redemption in your life. 

Grace will redeem your story and live an abundant life under the banner of redemption. Go for it!

Don't Give Up

Recently I've been struggling with discouragement. Nothing huge has happened. Nothing terrible. But I have been fighting more discouragement than normal about the way my life is turning out.
Honestly I know I have a great life. Good God, good family, good friends, good place to call home, and so much more. Still it's not where I thought I would be.
I thought I would be married and raising kids by now. With a house of my own and my own ice blue and yellow kitchen (I love my mixer in this color).
Right now that is still a dream and some unexpected problems came up. Hormones seemed out of control. It seemed like so many things were chipping away at my confidence in God's plan. So many things (little annoyances) were making me want to give up. Making me want to pull back. Making me want to stop trying. Making want to stop fighting the war against sin. Making me want to focus more on me and my wants and desires than on God's plan. 

God always knows what you need. He provided me with two things that have helped greatly. One was that our church has been going through the book of Philippians. Talk about perspective. It has been full of reminders that Christ is worthy. That this life is just a foretaste of things to come. Christ is still at work. He is worth pressing ahead for. The other big one was Kyle Idlemans book Don't Give Up. It reminded me that I need to keep pressing ahead. I need to fight the good fight. I need to keep my eyes on Christ. I need to not check out. I need to keep doing what is right. 

Honestly some days I feel like I'm army crawling through mud with barbed wire overhead on a hot Texas day. It's been tempting to stop, put my face down in the mud and just feel sorry for myself. I'm tired. I don't want to fight one more battle. I don't want to have to ride this emotional wave. Why can't I have that relationship? Why do I struggle so much?   
It's then that I start hearing voices. Loved ones encouraging me to keep fighting. Friends reminding me of the truth. Best of all in front of me is Christ. Nail-scarred hands encourage me forward. He keeps reminding me that He's got me in the middle of it all. I'm never alone. I can keep pressing on.
By God's grace, I can keep going. Sometimes I'm able to walk tall smelling the roses and enjoy the sunshine. Other times I'm back on my stomach crawling through another battle. But I am still here. I'm still running. I haven't given up. I know the One who calls me is faithful. He will enable me to keep running the race for His glory.
Have you ever had a time when discouragement was eating away at your confidence? What helped you to not give up?

Celebrate!

Resurrection Sunday is coming! I'm looking forward to it. This weekend I get to celebrate some timeless truths.

Christ is Risen!

Evil no longer has the final word.

Christ reigns over all.

Christ is stronger.

Christ is matchless.

Christ is enough.

Christ is victorious.

Christ is beautiful.

Christ is more than words can say.

Christ is good and He is good to me.

I have a place in God's heart.

There is a purpose in pain.

There is hope.

There is redemption.

There is life beyond what I can express.

There is grace.

There is forgiveness.

There is peace.

There is a place where we will live forever.

There is life that I can share with others.

Today take some time and celebrate Christ and the life that He has given to you.

Define Good

When is God good?

When is He good to me?

Is He only good when I get a guy?

Is He only good when life is going my way?

Is He only good when I get the raise?

Is He only good when traffic is easy?

Is He only good when my family and I are getting along?

Is He only good when I said the right thing in small group?

Is He only good when I get what I want?

What if we started defining good by God's terms instead of ours?

Isn't He still good when I'm sitting at yet another friends wedding?

Isn't He still good when I'm desiring something that I can't have right now?

Isn't He still good when I am scrolling through Facebook and a friend's newborn baby pictures?

Isn't He still good when I have tears streaming down my cheeks?

Isn't He still good on that hard commute?

Isn't He still good when I am feeling down?

Isn't He still good when I had a bad day at work?

What if I started in all these things I defined good by who God is, not by my circumstances or relationship status? Things change, but God never does. He is still all-powerful. He is still sovereign. He is still faithful. He is still loving. He is still kind. He is still good. His purposes for me have not changed. He is working for His glory and my good. It may not always feel good, but because God is good He has chosen to work inside me to work good in me.

Where Frustration Should Lead

Lately I have been frustrated. I've had questions. And so much of it is tied to desires. Desires for good things.
I wanted to volunteer at a hospital again. I put in an application. I prayed. I wanted to hold babies again. But I'm having to wait.
I wanted to be on the worship team at church. I wanted to be on stage lending my voice to lead people to God. There wasn't space. I ended up on the media team. In the background. It wasn't a thankless job, but my heart still longed for the stage.
I longed to be an inspirational blogger. To say things that make people think. To be shared. To be noticed. To have lots of comments. Sometimes people do and sometimes people don't. Sometimes it feels like wasted energy.
I have for a long time wanted to be married. To have one that I could love. I long for that attention and for a companion to walk alongside me. Still the singleness persists.
What is God doing in all of this? Is He trying to frustrate me? What is His purpose?
Maybe in all of these disappiontments are meant to point to Christ. Maybe they remind me Who the world really revolves around. The One who holds all things in His hands. The One who is working even in (sometimes especially in) the middle of pain for my good and His glory. Maybe in all of this was meant to show me that there is only One that truly satisfies. There is only One that truly fulfills.
My desires and how they get met is meant to bring honor to God. It is meant to showcase His love and care. It is meant to be His masterpiece of grace. It is all about Him. These desires are meant to propell me to the One who alone can satisfy the deepest cravings of my heart.
Maybe instead of trying to turn the spotlight on me and my desires, I should run to Him. In the middle of all my selfishness and self focus. In the middle of joy and laughter. In the middle of hurt and frustration. In the middle of it all I should cast myself on His mercy. I should remind myself of His worthiness. I should surrender to His touch. I should let Him reshape my desires. I should remember who is really the central focus.
Is this easy? No. Is it worth it? Yes!
Take some time right now. Wherever you are take a moment and let Him in. Remember His worthiness and let Him reshape your desires. He is a good and gracious God. He will do even more than you can imagine. Just let Him in.

Hope Is Real

Last night I went to Winter Jam. It was so much fun. Jamming out with Mandisa and Danny Gokey was so encouraging. 

I realized how far I've come. Two years ago I was in a relationship and looking more to my own interests than those of Christ or anyone else. Through a shattering of my will, He brought me into a better place. 

But breaking hurts. It's not fun or easy. It wasn't for me. I remember so many time wondering if I would ever be able to not cry when memories came up. I wondered if I would ever feel whole again. I wondered if would be able to go to a wedding without having a pity party. I wondered if I would ever feel truly alive and happy again with no pain or regret. I wondered if I would always feel broken, empty, and full of pain. I knew (and still know) that God was working, but my life seemed to be marked by my brokenness and pain. 

It didn't happen all at once, but over the last year God has done something amazing. He has changed my heart and healed me. He changed my hurt into hope. He transformed my heart. He replaced guilt with grace. He filled the emptiness with His love. Now my life is marked by His love and grace. 

Last night I realized how much He has changed inside me. I went to a wedding and was truly happy for the couple. I feel His presence more. I hear Him more. I see Him at work in so many areas. He's giving me joy and hope. 

There are still times when I struggle and cry. There are still times I fall into old sins and need to repent. I'm human. But He has brought the me so far. 

Now I am more sure than ever that the night isn't forever. The comeback is real. Our hope is sure. Grace is greater. Joy comes in the morning.

No matter where you are or what you are going through, God is with you. He is still working in you. He is writing a better ending. 

Let's take some time today and praise Him for what He has done, is doing, and will do. Let's praise God that He never leaves us. Let's praise Him for the better ending He is writing. 

Fun side story: the flowers pictured above were delivered to my house on the 13th of February. The note that came with it said, a reminder to find beauty in where you are, a Daughter of God, and the blessings that He gives you everyday! 

Talk about encouraging! They were such a tangible reminder of Gods love. I don't even know who sent them, but they blessed me more than I can say.

Choosing to Celebrate

Honestly.... last week I was tossing in my bed worrying. I realized that Valentines Day was coming up. And what was I going to do? I was worried about how I would handle the 14th. It seemed like so much was reminding me of what I wish was mine. I didn't want it to become a pity party, but I felt like I was heading there.
But then a friend sent me a link to this article. https://www.incourage.me/2019/02/i-dare-you-buy-the-flowers.html.
It gave me pause. Hearing someone else confirm that the pain is real, but there's also joy in this season.
It occurred to me that I had a choice.
I could read everyone's Facebook posts and have a pity party, or I could celebrate what God is doing here and now. I could celebrate the love He has given me. I could celebrate the good gifts He has given me. I could switch the focus back where it belongs. I can focus on the Perfect and Holy One. The One who is my Redeemer. The One who is my life and love. That is worth a celebration.
Will you join me? Celebrate what God is doing in your life. Shout it out. Celebrate His love and faithfulness. Enjoy His gifts. Revel in His care. Let's do this!

Bringing It To Him

Last fall I was very restless. I couldn't escape the feeling of wanting to do something different. I wanted to take on a new adventure. 

The thing was no matter how hard I tried, no new adventure came. No new doors opened. Monthes passed and still nothing. I was getting very frustrated. One day I went out walking and talking to God. I told Him I was frustrated with life. I told Him I had tried everything, but this restless feeling persisted. When I finished and started listening He spoke. He told me that I would rather take on a new adventure than stay and deal with pain of still being single. Ouch! That one hurt to hear. 

Honestly I didn't want to deal with the pain of being single. The pain of unfulfilled longing. Anytime it came to the surface, I had surpressed it. I thought it was wrong to want anything else besides God. So when the longing for marriage would come up, I would feel guilty because I wasn't desiring God. I would try to shove it down. The thing was I did (and still do) desire a Godly marriage. And trying to deal with the pain of disappointment and honest desire was scary. My approach of acting like it wasn't there wasn't working. 

So I went to a Godly woman in our church and asked for counsel. She didn't deny my desire or my pain. She encouraged me instead to take it to Christ. Instead of feeling guilty and running from Christ, to take my pain to Christ. 

This was a game changer for me. I started coming to Christ with my pain and disappointment. I started bringing Him my longing and desire. He is such a good God. When I come to Him with tears for what I long to have, He comforts me. He reminds me that I am not alone. He reminds me of who I am in Him. He reminds me that He too lived through singleness and longing to be united to His bride. He reminds me of His faithfulness. He reminds me of His love. He reminds me of the mission for here and now. 

I'm still in the learning process. I'm still learning to bring Him all the feelings of longing and disappiontment. I'm still learning to receive the comfort and peace He freely gives. But He is so tender and patient. He keeps loving me and working through all of it. 

Whatever you are going through, bring it to God. You may not know how to deal with it, but He does. He knows what you need. He will be the best comfort and encouragement you will ever know.