Truth and Lies

Recently I've been reading a book on womanhood and femininity. While the book has been good in some areas, personally I felt like it missed the mark.
Honestly I don't remember ever struggling with Biblical womanhood. I grew up in a home that valued being a woman and serving God. I realize now how rare this is and am so thankful for the home I have. I have been totally on board with God's veiw of femininity.
Women are called to be keepers at home. Amen!
Women should be good helpers to their husband's. Absolutely!
Women should be submissive. Yes!
Women should be busy, diligent, and hard working for the glory of God and the good of others. Totally.
What I realized is that while I knew all of these truths I got on the wrong track to fulfilling them. I thought my single years were a holding tank where I was waiting for marriage. All of my life was to become focused on preparing for marriage and keeping a home. Every day I was holding my breath waiting for the guy to come along. M…


When I was 10 my sister Rebekkah went into the hospital with a collapsed lung and a strep infection that threatened every organ in her body. Less than 12 hours after admitting her, they called my parents in and prepared them for her death.
At home I was making party hats for the party to welcome Rebekkah home. My sister Sarah came in and was befuddled by what I was doing. "It's going to be months if that before she comes home. Why are you making these now?" I don't remember what I answered her. But I remember keeping on making the hats.
Praise God that despite what a lot of doctors told my parents, we got to use those party hats one month later. She came home and recovered well.
Now as I think about those hats 18 years later, I thank God for the gift of hope. A gift that looks rediculous to outsiders. You do crazy things when you are guided by a hope in God. Things that look as silly as making party hats before you know if the party will happen.
But our God is a God…

Like Tamar

Recently for a Bible study I was rereading the story of Tamar. If I had to sum up her life it would go something like this - she was taken advantage of by her brother and then lived out the rest of her days as a desolate woman. The Bible leaves us with the picture of Tamar never getting rid of her disgrace. She was provided for, but never redeemed. There have been times in the last two years that I have wondered if I would ever get rid of my disgrace. I thought I would always live in the pain of "that time." I would always be the "one who's engagement was broken." I would end up just like Tamar. Religated to a shunned place where I'm watching everyone else have their dreams come true. Living under a banner called desolation. But that's not how God chose to write my story. I'll admit the last two years have been difficult. There has been lots of pain, tears, and setbacks. There has also been new beginnings, healing, and moving forward. Best of al…

Don't Give Up

Recently I've been struggling with discouragement. Nothing huge has happened. Nothing terrible. But I have been fighting more discouragement than normal about the way my life is turning out.
Honestly I know I have a great life. Good God, good family, good friends, good place to call home, and so much more. Still it's not where I thought I would be.
I thought I would be married and raising kids by now. With a house of my own and my own ice blue and yellow kitchen (I love my mixer in this color).
Right now that is still a dream and some unexpected problems came up. Hormones seemed out of control. It seemed like so many things were chipping away at my confidence in God's plan. So many things (little annoyances) were making me want to give up. Making me want to pull back. Making me want to stop trying. Making want to stop fighting the war against sin. Making me want to focus more on me and my wants and desires than on God's plan.  God always knows what you need. He prov…


Resurrection Sunday is coming! I'm looking forward to it. This weekend I get to celebrate some timeless truths. Christ is Risen! Evil no longer has the final word. Christ reigns over all. Christ is stronger. Christ is matchless. Christ is enough. Christ is victorious. Christ is beautiful. Christ is more than words can say. Christ is good and He is good to me. I have a place in God's heart. There is a purpose in pain. There is hope. There is redemption. There is life beyond what I can express. There is grace. There is forgiveness. There is peace. There is a place where we will live forever. There is life that I can share with others. Today take some time and celebrate Christ and the life that He has given to you.

Define Good

When is God good? When is He good to me? Is He only good when I get a guy? Is He only good when life is going my way? Is He only good when I get the raise? Is He only good when traffic is easy? Is He only good when my family and I are getting along? Is He only good when I said the right thing in small group? Is He only good when I get what I want? What if we started defining good by God's terms instead of ours? Isn't He still good when I'm sitting at yet another friends wedding? Isn't He still good when I'm desiring something that I can't have right now? Isn't He still good when I am scrolling through Facebook and a friend's newborn baby pictures? Isn't He still good when I have tears streaming down my cheeks? Isn't He still good on that hard commute? Isn't He still good when I am feeling down? Isn't He still good when I had a bad day at work? What if I started in all these things I defined good by who God is, not by my circumstan…

Where Frustration Should Lead

Lately I have been frustrated. I've had questions. And so much of it is tied to desires. Desires for good things.
I wanted to volunteer at a hospital again. I put in an application. I prayed. I wanted to hold babies again. But I'm having to wait.
I wanted to be on the worship team at church. I wanted to be on stage lending my voice to lead people to God. There wasn't space. I ended up on the media team. In the background. It wasn't a thankless job, but my heart still longed for the stage.
I longed to be an inspirational blogger. To say things that make people think. To be shared. To be noticed. To have lots of comments. Sometimes people do and sometimes people don't. Sometimes it feels like wasted energy.
I have for a long time wanted to be married. To have one that I could love. I long for that attention and for a companion to walk alongside me. Still the singleness persists.
What is God doing in all of this? Is He trying to frustrate me? What is His purpose?